The Unwilling Punks of Shikon High
by YuriAnna
Summary: Utilizing the power of badfic authors, Naraku devises his most fiendish plan yet. How will our heroes survive when they’re forced to navigate the hallways of a bad high school AU and face off against their fanfic counterparts?
1. Introductions

Title: The Unwilling Punks of Shikon High

Genre: Humor, Parody

Summary: Utilizing the power of badfic authors, Naraku devises his most fiendish plan yet. How will our heroes survive when they're forced to navigate the hallways of a bad high school AU and face off against their fanfic counterparts?

Chapter One: Introductions

* * *

"Kanna, are you sure this is going to work?" Kagura asked, glancing disinterestedly around the room. It was large and cavernous, lit only by the dim lamps at each of the many tables. It was also quiet, the silence broken only by the clicking of twenty or so girls as they typed away at their keyboards. 

Kanna, for her part, didn't even bother to look around. She stood next to Kagura, staring blankly at the opposite wall. "Naraku said that it would work."

"Yeah, I know what he said. But it seems like a damn waste of time. Still, twenty jewel shards in those com-pyu-ter things, he must think it'll work." _It would be so easy to smash those devices and take them for myself,_ she mentally added. She glanced over at Kanna. The girl was obviously there as a pointed reminder that Naraku didn't trust her. And he probably had something nasty planned if she tried anything.

Kagura sighed. "Reduced to a babysitter for a bunch of little twits. One day Naraku will get his." There was a pause as twenty girls glared furiously at Kagura, and then a flurry of typing as the wind sorceress was crucified in twenty fanfictions.

"This is so boring. Kanna, show me Sesshoumaru again."

* * *

"I can't believe you can be so insensitive, Inu-yasha!" The scream echoed through the forest. 

"Oh, come on! It was just a stupid test! What's the big deal?"

Kagome stopped rummaging through her backpack to turn and glare at the half-demon roasting fish in front of her.

"The big deal? The big _deal_? The big deal is that I get the worst score I've ever gotten on one of the biggest tests of the year, and all you can think of to say is, 'Too bad. Did you bring ramen?' Can't you stop thinking about yourself for one minute?"

Inu-yasha opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Sango before he could anger Kagome further.

"Don't be upset, Kagome. Can't you take one of those 'make-ups' you told us about?"

"Yes, but I'll probably do even worse!"

"We'll just leave you alone and give you some time to study," Her voice took on a dangerous edge. "Won't we, Miroku and Inu-yasha?"

The monk looked up from his seat next to the fire. "Of course, Sango."

Inu-yasha rolled his eyes and brushed Shippou away from his fish. "Yeah, whatever. Stupid tests."

Kagome finished stacking her books and notes around herself and smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, guys. And Inu-yasha?"

"What?"

"Sit."

* * *

Kagura scowled as she flew out from Naraku's hideout, more convinced than ever that her master had the world's sickest sense of humor. Normally she wouldn't care, but she had a sinking suspicion that his plan was going to include her. Catching sight of one of Kikyou's soul collectors, she headed down. 

"Hey, you!"

Number 22 turned to the strange woman on the feather, vaguely recognized her as one of Mistress's enemies, and hissed threateningly.

"Don't take that tone with me. I have a message for the priestess."

The soul collector gave her a calculating looking and raised one of its eyebrow ridges.

"Naraku says that Inu-yasha's going to be in severe danger very soon. And she should be able to sense his barrier now. You got that?"

Number 22 rolled his eyes and flew off. Why did Mistress associate with these people?

* * *

Rin sat on a rock, staring at the sky and humming cheerfully to herself. The girl sighed. When was Lord Sesshoumaru going to get back? 

The day's tranquility was interrupted when a small girl in white emerged from the bushes. Rin sprang to her feet and ran over.

"Hi! My name's Rin! What's your name?"

Kanna stared at her for a moment. She hadn't been prepared for this. After a moment of contemplation, she settled on telling the truth.

"Kanna."

"Hi, Kanna! So where are you from? What are you doing here? Why are you dressed all in white? Do you like games?"

Kanna stared at Rin, mind blank on how to answer. Such unrestrained cheerfulness was completely alien to her. Fortunately, the other girl seemed more than content to keep talking. When Rin paused for breath, Kanna launched into the monologue Naraku had given her.

"I would like you to come with me. I have sweet foods to eat and small, fluffy animals."

Rin sat back down on her rock, her expression a cross between longing to go and longing to stay. "I can't. Lord Sesshoumaru told me to stay here. And Master Jaken was supposed to stay, too, but he followed after Lord Sesshoumaru, and he made me promise not to tell anyone—oh! Now you have to promise not to tell!" She looked at Kanna expectantly.

"Promise?" Kanna asked, unsure of what Rin meant.

"Good! I don't know what's so interesting about watching Lord Sesshoumaru bathe, though. So if I left, Master Jaken would be angry at me, and then Lord Sesshoumaru would be angry at me _and_ Master Jaken, so I can't go with you."

Luckily for Kanna, Naraku had prepared her for that one as well. "Lord Sesshoumaru has given his permission."

"Um… okay!" And with that Rin grabbed Kanna by the hand and ran into the bushes, dragging the unfortunate demon with her. "We're gonna have so much fun! I can't wait! What kind of fluffy animals? Why do you dress all in white? Do you like games?" A pause, and then, "So where are we going?" Kanna began to suspect, with a sinking feeling of dread, that perhaps Naraku was punishing her for something.

* * *

Kagome looked up suddenly from her textbook and lightly kicked Inu-yasha, who was snoring by the fire. "Inu-yasha, I sense jewel shards approaching." 

"What!" snapped Inu-yasha, jumping to his feet. He peered over the horizon to see a miniature tornado heading toward the group. "Oh great, it's that stupid wolf!" He pulled the Tetsusaiga from its scabbard and leveled it at the approaching demon.

Kouga, noticing the sword just in time, dodged to the side and kicked out at the flat of the blade, sending Inu-yasha off-balance and almost lopping off one of his dog ears. The wolf ran past him and grabbed Kagome's hands.

"Kagome, I love—"

"Kouga, behind you!" screamed Kagome. Her suitor whirled around to see a fist heading for his face. The blow sent him flying back a few yards; he jumped to his feet and lunged at Inu-yasha, to the dismay of Kagome and the others.

"That was a cheap shot, you mutt! I couldn't dodge it or you'd hit Kagome!" he yelled, lashing out.

Inu-yasha barely dodged the blow and responded with a punch of his own. "Yeah, right! You couldn't dodge it anyway!"

"Oh, yeah!"

"QUIET!" screamed Kagome again, startling the both of them enough that they actually stopped fighting for a moment. She smiled brightly. "I sense another jewel shard. Over…" She closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment. "There!"

As if on cue, Kohaku stepped out of the bushes that Kagome had indicated, looked around at the stunned group, and ran off. Sango was the first to react, leaping onto Kirara's back and taking off after him. The others followed; Kouga, who had no clue what was going on, shrugged to himself and ran after Kagome.

About ten minutes later, Inu-yasha came to a stop at the base of a mountain. Miroku, Kagome, and Kouga appeared behind him a few moments later, breathing heavily. Kagome dismounted her bicycle, positioning herself between Kouga and Inu-yasha.

"Why'd we stop here?" snarled Kouga.

"This is where Sango stopped," Inu-yasha replied testily, hand on his sword hilt.

Before a fight could break out, Miroku called from a few feet away. "Look, you two! This looks like the entrance to a cave. And the plants around it are pressed flat, as though someone came through here recently."

There was, in fact, a cave entrance at the mountain's base, a few feet high and near the ground. Inu-yasha was the first to crawl in, the others watching from outside.

"I smell Sango," he called up. "She was definitely here. Oh," he added as Kouga crashed to the ground behind him, "watch out for the drop after you get in."

"Wait," said Kouga, sniffing the air, "I think your brother was here, Inu-yasha."

The half-demon turned to him incredulously. "Sesshoumaru? What would he—wait, he was here! And… Kikyou?" He sniffed the air again, baffled. "What would Sesshoumaru and Kikyou be doing here?"

Following Kouga, Miroku and Kagome slipped through the cave entrance just as the air began to thicken with a foul-smelling purple gas. As he began coughing, Inu-yasha managed to choke out, "It must be… Naraku's trap…"

The last thing he heard before everything went black was Kouga's response of, "Gee, ya think!"


	2. Wait a Minute, What Now?

Chapter Two: Wait a Minute, What Now?

* * *

Kikyou had dusted herself off and begun to get her bearings when she received her first surprise. The hand she was using to dust herself off was holding something. More specifically, something round, which seemed to be made up of several blue and gold paper strips. As she was staring at the strange object in puzzlement, the priestess felt an unfamiliar breeze around her legs, and looked down to receive her second surprise.

"A short, pleated kimono? Strange. It almost resembles the garb of the girl Kagome," she said to herself, and at that point received her third surprise.

"Like, Kagome? Why are you talking about, like, her?"

Kikyou whirled around to see Kagura. Or, upon closer inspection, someone who remarkably resembled Kagura. The face was right, and the two women were about the same size, but the similarities ended there. For one thing, the girl was dressed in the same outfit Kikyou was wearing. Her hair was in two strange pigtails, and her face was vacant.

"Kagura?"

"Like, yeah duh, who else would it be?"

"Where am I am why am I dressed in such a manner?"

The Kagura look-alike peered at her in concern. "Like, you're at Shikon High and you're in your cheerleader outfit. Duh! Why are you talking all weird? And what about that bitch Kagome?"

Kikyou simply stared at her, unsure of how to reply, when she was once again startled by a loud bell.

"Well, you'd better get to class. See ya!" And with that Kagura skipped off, leaving Kikyou dumbfounded in the midst of a current of students running every which way. To avoid being trampled, she rounded a corner and stopped dead, witnessing a sight that surprised her more than anything she'd seen so far.

A boy, who looked remarkably like Inu-yasha as a human, and a girl, who looked remarkably like Kagome, were apparently attempting to suck one another's faces off in the middle of the hallway. They were both dressed in the strangest outfits Kikyou had ever seen: black pants that seemed far too large, tight black shirts with characters she could not read on them, and several strings of chains each. In addition, their hair was streaked with all sorts of odd colors. In the midst of her confusion, Kikyou wondered why she was paying such attention to their clothing.

Finally she managed to say, "Inu-yasha?"

The couple separated and turned to stare at her. When they realized who she was, their faces took on identical expressions of hatred.

"Inu-yasha, what are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing, bitch?" the boy who seemed to be Inu-yasha asked, sneering. Kikyou's eyes widened involuntarily. "I'm a punk now, and I don't need your slutty ass! Why don't you go run to Naraku or one of the other guys you cheated with, or did they realize what a slut you are?"

Kikyou stared at him in disbelief for a moment before responding. "Excuse me?"

Kagome, who'd been standing quietly next to Inu-yasha, stepped forward. "Why don't you leave us alone, you slutty-ass ho bitch!" Without further warning, she struck out, punching Kikyou in the face.

The priestess staggered back a few steps and attempted to put up a barrier. To her shock, she couldn't summon up any spiritual power. It was then that she realized her mouth was bleeding. _I am alive, and I have no power. Can it be that I am in someone else's body?_

Her thoughts were cut off by the false Kagome's next attack, which, fortunately for the priestess, she was more ready for. Kikyou barely dodged, and struck out with the pom-pom she was still holding while her opponent was off-balance. She noted with dissatisfaction that her body was much less powerful than it had been, but her anger and desperation were enough to knock Kagome to the floor.

Inu-yasha lunged forward then, and faced with the situation, Kikyou did the only sensible thing. She retreated.

* * *

"And just so you know, Mr. Hanyou, we are not going to tolerate any of your misbehavior here."

Inu-yasha looked around wildly. Where was he and why was Kaede lecturing him? The half-demon leapt to his feet.

The room he was in was rather small, with white walls and a dull, worn carpet. He had been sitting in a plastic chair in front of a large wooden desk. Kaede was currently behind it, watching him with a mixture of surprise and disapproval.

"Mr. Hanyou, sit down this instant."

"What? Kaede, what's with you? What the hell's going on?"

Kaede sighed. "Mr. Hanyou, you've already been expelled from twelve schools due to your punkness. I would think that you would want to try behaving a little better on your first day here at Shikon High. And watch your language."

Inu-yasha stared at her in shock. "Old woman, what is wrong with you? Don't you recognize me?"

"I've never seen you before today, and I would hope that you don't end up in my office again." To Inu-yasha's shocked face she added, "You have your schedule, and I've gotten a student to show you around the school. Here she is now."

The door burst open and Kagome walked in. However, "walked" didn't even begin to cover it. It was more like she sauntered, or perhaps strutted, with an arrogant expression that clearly said she owned the halls. Her hair was streaked with red and up in a messy bun, with two hanging strands that framed her face. She was dressed more peculiarly than normal as well: short black skirt, ripped fishnet stockings, black combat boots, a scarlet corset that hugged her perfect breasts—

"GAHH!" Inu-yasha screamed, startling both women in the room. Why was he thinking _that_? Before Kagome or Kaede could say anything, the half-demon blushed and strode through the doorway, mentally shaking himself, with Kagome in pursuit.

Why did he care what Kagome was wearing? Normally he wouldn't even know what color her hair was. Kagome, who'd caught up with him, grabbed his arm to demand an explanation. The half-demon felt himself beginning to get lost in her chocolate eyes, only snapping back to Earth when he realized he didn't know what chocolate was. At that point Kagome was already talking.

"Good, a punk. Lord knows this school has enough preps already, and I'm sick of punching people. You got a name?"

"K-Kagome?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, that's _my_ name. Who are you?"

"Kagome, don't you recognize me? I'm Inu-yasha!"

Kagome stared at him cynically. "I've never met you before. And don't even start with the 'I've loved you all my life' crap, I get that enough from that stupid prep Kouga. You want the tour or not?"

Inu-yasha nodded mutely. He really had no clue what was going on, and maybe Kagome would come to her senses. The dog demon followed her down the hall. He briefly considered shaking her until she realized who he was, but decided against it. She was droning on about something or other; perhaps if he listened, he'd get some idea of where he was.

"And I'll introduce you to the gang. There's Sango Tajiya and Miroku Houshi (they're in eleventh grade like us), and there's Shippou Kitsune (he's a ninth grader), and there's Sakura Ravenwing."

"Sakura?" asked Inu-yasha.

"Oh yeah, she's a punk like us. She has ankle-length black hair with the ends dyed hot pink and emerald orbs—"

"_Orbs_?"

"Shut it. Her skin is pale and flawless, and today I think she's wearing a black hoodie with a simply _witty_ saying on it, black and red striped tights—"

"Enough!" yelled Inu-yasha, covering his ears.

Kagome glared at him, about to say something, when a boy tapped her on the shoulder. Inu-yasha tried not to catalogue every item of clothing he was wearing, and then the boy spoke, at which point Inu-yasha could only see the world through a faint scarlet haze.

"Hey, Kagome. You're hot. Will you go out with me?"

"Shut the (censored) up, Houjo!" Kagome snarled.

The half-demon prepared to attack this Houjo person, but Kagome acted first, kneeing him in the groin. Inu-yasha winced, while his companion stepped on the prostrate body and continued as if nothing had happened.

"Anyway, this school is hell. We're the leaders of the Freaks. Those are all the goths, punks, stoners, skaters, etcetera. And so we're really popular with them, but all the preps call us outcasts. Whatever. We're actually in a band, and we're playing at a nightclub tonight. Want to come with us?" Before he could ask what a nightclub was, she continued. "Good. Kaede said that we have all the same classes. What a coincidence, right? Anyway, just stick with me and I'll keep the preps off you. Our first class is Home Ec. You talk?"

"Kagome, I—"

"Whatever. Come on."

Inu-yasha stared at the girl as they passed through the classroom door with a tide of other students. _That clinches it. She dresses oddly, keeps talking about these "punk" and "prep" things, and actually fights for herself. There's no way this is Kagome. But where the hell am I and what is going on?_

* * *

"Hey, Tajiya!"

Sango spun around, trying to calm her racing heart and coolly assess the situation. She was somewhere dark and loud, surrounded by racks of… items, and Kagome was standing there talking to her.

"Hello, Sango?" Kagome asked concernedly, waving a hand in her face. "Is something wrong? You're looking around like you've never been here before."

"Kagome, where are we?" Sango asked, forcing herself to remain calm. There had to be an explanation for her sudden appearance in this alien place. Perhaps an illusion of some nature? But Kagome only continued to stare at her in bemusement.

"We're at Hot Topic, the best store ever! You know, where you work?"

Backing against the wall, Sango continued to glance around her surroundings in alarm. Her Hiraikotsu seemed to have vanished; the demon slayer's feelings of anxiety grew when Kagome leaned forward and waved an armful of clothing in her face.

"Sango, are you okay? Remember, you were going to ring these up for me so I can finally turn punk?"

"Punk?" Sango asked in a slightly hysterical tone.

"Yeah, you know? To impress the hottest punk at Shikon High, Inu-yasha? We just bought all the outfits and you were going to streak my hair with silver and then you just blanked out for a second, and now you're acting all weird! Are you okay?"

Gradually regaining her composure, the demon slayer simply nodded. The most likely scenario was that she was under some sort of curse that was causing her to hallucinate, in which case the best idea would be to remain calm, go along with the visions, and wait for some clue as to how to save herself.

Kagome smiled at her. "Great! And after this, I can get my nose pierced just like yours!"

With a feeling of mounting horror, Sango reached up to her face and felt the formerly smooth skin riddled with strange metal objects. She turned and headed for what appeared to be the exit, Kagome yelling after her. Her escape was cut short, however, when a black-clad Miroku appeared in the doorway. Sango couldn't help but notice that his pants were very baggy and his shirt bore some sort of deformed rabbit.

"Sango?"

"Miroku, what the hell is wrong!"

The monk sighed with relief. "Calm down, Sango." He turned to Kagome, who was wearing her customary clueless expression. "Could I have a moment alone with Sango, please? I would like to ask her to 'hook up' with me."

Kagome squealed with delight. "Oh, this is so great! You two are so cute together, it's perfect! Okay, I'll leave you two alone, then!" Grinning madly, she skipped out of the store, swinging the clothing as she went.

A random customer stared after her, and then turned to Sango with an oblivious smile on his face. "Cool! Can I have free stuff, too?"

Instinct kicked in. "No," Sango replied. "Get out of the store."

She and Miroku walked to the back of the store, Sango feeling her facial piercings numbly. Staring downward, Miroku began to talk.

"Do you remember slaying demons in Japan's Feudal Era?" he asked. Sango nodded. "Okay. Do you know where we are now?"

"What!" Sango practically screamed, eyes bugging out. "I thought you knew!"

The monk held up his hands to placate her, eyes still cast downwards. "Please calm down. Let's simply review what we know."

"Okay," the woman began. "I was investigating the cave Kohaku led us to, and suddenly I was here in this store. Kagome was talking to me about 'streaking her hair' or something. She didn't seem to know anything about the Feudal Era. Then you came in."

Miroku nodded. "I was in a place apparently called 'the food court,' holding something called a 'burger.' Inu-yasha was dressed strangely and talking to me about how he hates Kikyou."

"What?" Sango asked, surprised. "Kikyou?"

"Yes. Then he began to lecture me about how I should 'hook up' with you, and that Kagome thought so as well."

"Hook up? What does that mean?"

Miroku grinned. "I have a few ideas—"

A slap could be heard above the music. "Keep them to yourself. What then?"

"He left, and I wandered off. Then I found you."

The demon slayer sighed and rubbed her temples. Miroku's eyes followed her movement. "Do you think maybe they've been cursed? Or we've been cursed?"

"I'm fairly certain I've heard Kagome mention both 'burgers' and 'hair streaks.' Perhaps we're in her time."

"That still doesn't account for Inu-yasha and Kagome's behavior. Hey, are you okay? You've got a weird look on your face."

"Um… Would you do me a favor? Please put your arms behind your back."

Sango's face grew hard. "Why?" she snapped.

"No, it's nothing like that! It's your armbands!"

"What?"

"They have sayings on them! And I have to read them, even though I don't know this language. I can't stop!"

"Okay," she said suspiciously.

The random customer who had been ordered to leave was still sulking in the doorway, silently cursing insensitive salespeople. A moment later, he was rather surprised to hear the following exchange:

"You weren't reading the armbands at all!" Violent slap.

"I swear, I was!"

"Then what are you staring at now, pervert!"

"I'm being forced to read your shirt several times! It's not my fault!"

"Yeah, sure! Eyes on my face!" Another slap.

"Sango, you're so cruel…"

* * *

About ten minutes later, Kikyou came to a halt, breathing hard; her body was in much worse shape than it should have been. The priestess glanced around, but she didn't seem to have been pursued. The room she was currently in was large and well lit. Strange hoops hung from the walls above the scuffed wooden floors. Deciding that the wide-open space didn't seem like a wise place to be if she was attacked, Kikyou headed for the nearest door.

The room it led to was smaller and filled with strange items. Shelves of brightly colored balls lined the walls, and nets were stacked in corner. Kikyou examined a few bats and rackets before her eyes settled on a pile of bows and arrows. For the first time since arriving, the priestess smiled.

Kikyou wandered the halls, feeling much safer but no less confused, when she heard a familiar voice. The room it was coming from was smaller and tiled, with stalls of some sort and a very large mirror on the wall. Kikyou walked in and questioningly touched the white basin below the mirror; water began to spray.

"But how?" she asked her puzzled reflection. Kagura, standing next to her, stopped applying her face paint in confusion.

"Like, you okay, Kiki? It's like you've never seen a sink before."

"A sink, you say?"

"Um… Yeah. Hey, why've you got a bow and arrow?"

Kikyou ignored the question. "Kagura, what do you know of this 'Shikon High'?"

Kagura giggled and returned to brushing on powder. "Like, everything. You know we're the most popular ones at Shikon High, Kiki!"

Kikyou, who knew no such thing and did not enjoy being addressed as Kiki, merely nodded. "Why does Inu-yasha seem to believe I have been unfaithful?"

"Ooh, you saw Inu-yasha? He is like so cute, isn't he? It's too bad he turned all punk and everything, he used to be sooo popular, too. Anyway, like, did you cheat on him?"

Kikyou stared in amazement. That someone could even ask such a question of her… "What do you think?"

"Oh, well, just apologize and say it'll never happen again, you know? Hey! Kiki, where are you going!"

Kikyou strode down the empty hall, the false Kagura in hot pursuit. The priestess noted that Kagura's strange high-heeled footwear seemed to be obstructing her movement; she would have felt much better about this if she were not wearing the same shoes.

"Kiki, wait! Where are you going! It's, like, against the rules to not be in class! You aren't skipping, are you? Kiki!"

Kikyou stopped short, the false Kagura barely avoiding colliding with her. Inu-yasha and Kagome were standing at the end of the hallway, blocking the exit. And they had apparently picked up where they left off when Kikyou interrupted them the first time. She idly wondered whether anyone in this strange place understood the concept of modesty.

Despite the fact that her arrows were blunt, Kikyou had no doubt she could kill or at least severely wound the two. But they might have been bespelled, and the priestess did not wish to wrongly execute Inu-yasha again. Or, she thought, they may not even be Inu-yasha and Kagome, only two foolish humans who bore a great resemblance to them. Either way, Kikyou decided that it was best not to engage them in combat.

"Please move aside."

The two looked up, and their faces took on the same hatred from earlier.

"Why don't you move, or do I need to rearrange your face, not that it could look any worse," smirked Kagome, raising a fist. Kikyou's eyes narrowed.

"I have no wish to fight. I ask only that you move aside."

Before Kagome or Inu-yasha could reply, a girl angrily stomped into the hall. Kikyou noted with mild interest that she, too, looked exactly like Kagura. Unlike the other Kagura, she was wearing a denim miniskirt and a shockingly pink top covered in some sort of glitter. Also unlike the other Kagura, she seemed fairly intelligent and incredibly angry. She whirled to face the stunned Kagome and Inu-yasha.

"You two will stop calling me slut, whore, or whatever else you've been yelling about and leave me the hell alone!" She turned to Kikyou. "You can stop calling me Kaggy and trying to paint my toenails!" She looked past Kikyou to the frightened Kagura. "And you people can damn well stop stealing my face and acting like idiots! Everyone got it?"

Kagome was the first to react. "You can't order me around, you preppy whore—oof!" She doubled over, Kagura's fist in her stomach. The false Inu-yasha charged, swinging his fists wildly. Kagura ducked and caught his chin in a vicious punch on her way back up, then kneed him in the groin. Finally, she kicked the both of them a few times for good measure. Kikyou was the next to speak.

"I assure you, you have mistaken my identity. I have never addressed you as 'Kaggy' or attempted to paint your toenails."

Kagura turned to her, surprise evident on her face. "Priestess, is that you?"

"I am Kikyou the priestess."

"Thank God. I thought you were another of them."

"Them?"

Kagura shooed away her frightened doppelganger and sat down next to Kikyou, sighing. "I'll explain what I know. This is Naraku's work, obviously. He somehow created this sort of alternate universe. And then he lured in Inu-yasha and his friends and a few others. I'm not sure where they are, but you've met their counterparts."

"Counterparts?"

"Yeah, the universe comes up with a kind of substitute for the person. But it can't get anywhere near the original for some reason. The real people are probably somewhere, but all I've found so far are substitutes. I've been wandering the halls for a while, trying to find the way out."

"There is a way out?" Kikyou asked.

"I don't know, but it's better than doing nothing." Further conversation was cut off by a scream from down the hall. Kagura got to her feet and sauntered toward the noise, Kikyou following alertly behind.

* * *

"Now you spin the dial to the right. No, to the other right," sighed the girl who Inu-yasha wasn't quite sure was Kagome. Perhaps, he reasoned, someone sealed him to a tree again, he was in the future, and this was yet another Kikyou-Kagome reincarnation. But that still didn't explain his clothing or what Kaede was doing here. He tugged at the plastic dial ineffectually. According to Kagome, something was supposed to happen now.

The girl sighed and reached over; Inu-yasha flinched. She'd already punched two people and kicked three, apparently for being "preps," and she'd laughed when he asked what they were.

"Are you sure you entered the combination right?"

"What?"

Kagome glared at him. "You know, the combination! The three numbers?"

"You mean I was supposed to put numbers in?"

She sighed. "Whatever. Let's just get to class; we're late as it is. You can just carry your bag." She added defiantly, "It's against school rules."

Normally Inu-yasha would have said something unprintable when confronted with the concept of rules, but he was tired and confused, not to mention trapped with a volatile girl whom he could not bring himself to fight against. Following her statement was a tense pause in which he realized she was testing him.

"School rules are… for losers?" he ventured, and sighed with relief when Kagome broke into a sunny smile.

"Good. Now I know you're not a prep."

"Oh, um, good."

"Right. Our first class is Home Ec. It's right through this door. There's no one interesting in here, though."

"Sure," agreed Inu-yasha, pushing open the door. A short, bald man looked up at them from behind a desk in the front of the room.

"Miss Higurashi, you're late again. That will be another detention."

She laughed and threw her bag onto a chair. "Relax, Myouga. I'm showing Inu-yasha here around. He's new."

"That's Mr. Myouga, and I suppose I'll excuse you today." He peered at them both over the top of his spectacles. "Mr. Hanyou, why don't you say a few words about yourself to the class?"

Inu-yasha, still too confused to protest, trudged to the front of the room. A sea of bored faces stared back at him, and he heard one girl whisper, "Oh, not another one."

Slouching and glaring at everyone, Inu-yasha said a few words. "My name is Inu-yasha. I'm at this school, I guess." He walked back over to Kagome, who sighed deeply and smacked her forehead.

"That's not how it's done! Let me show you!" Before Mr. Myouga could protest, Kagome was standing at the room's front, smirking smugly at her classmates. A few smirked back; others groaned and muttered rude comments under their breath.

"My name's Kagome Higurashi. Yep, rich Higurashi. I like skating, punks, and Hot Topic. I hate slutty cheerleaders, which is all of them, jocks, preps, and people who bully other people for being different. And today I'll tell you—"

"That's quite enough, Miss Higurashi," broke in Myouga. "We do not need another lecture on how to disembowel a cheerleader."

Kagome sighed heavily. "But this time I was going to tell them—"

"Please begin your assignment, Miss Higurashi."

Grinning to herself and waving at some of her black-clad classmates, Kagome walked back to where Inu-yasha was standing. The half-demon was busy examining the stove at his station and puzzling over the cooking equipment.

"Don't put your hand there; you'll burn it off," said Kagome, grabbing a bowl and spoon. "Now pass me the flour."

"What are you doing?" asked Inu-yasha curiously as she poured copious amounts of flour into the bowl.

"Cooking," laughed Kagome, throwing in a few cups of water. "Hand me that powder on the right. No, the other right. Thanks."

"Cooking what?" asked Inu-yasha, staring with a mix of curiosity and fear at the mixture, which was glooping ominously.

"Now if I told you that, it would ruin the surprise. Pass me that bottle."

The door swung open again, slamming against the opposite wall. Several students flinched; Inu-yasha and Kagome glanced up curiously. Kagome rolled her eyes.

"Oh, it's that stupid prep Kouga."

Kouga, who Inu-yasha couldn't help but notice was wearing a football uniform, was struggling against a group of boys, all of whom were wearing the same uniform and expression of good-natured stupidity.

"Let go of me, you idiots! I don't want to go to your damn classes! I have to find Kagome!"

"But Kouga, you'll miss Home Ec!"

"Shut up and let me go! Kagome!"

Inu-yasha scowled and stepped forward. This, at least, was familiar territory, although the group of boys restraining Kouga was a new feature. At seeing his black clothing and chains, they all snarled and let go of their furious captive. Inu-yasha snorted and sized them up.

"What are you doing here, you mangy wolf?"

Kouga brushed himself off and glared at the surrounding team. "Shut up, mutt. Where's Kagome!"

"Like I'd tell you, you—"

"Kagome!"

Kouga, having spotted Kagome working at the stove, flew past Inu-yasha and attempted to grab her hands. "Kagome, I'll protect—ahh!" He staggered backward as a bowl of… substance hit him full in the face and exploded. Kagome yanked him up by his collar, punched him a few times in the face, and then kneed him in the groin for good measure.

"I am _not_ your woman, you stupid prep! You don't own me! Now STOP HITTING ON ME!" She kicked him in the groin again. Inu-yasha, caught between laughing at Kouga's plight and falling into the Male Crotch-Protective Position, settling for simultaneously smirking and wincing.

Mr. Myouga, having finally pulled himself from his chair, rushed over to break up the fight. "Mr. Ookami, get to the nurse! Mr. Hanyou, you can take him."

"But—" Inu-yasha began to protest, and was cut short by the teacher.

"Just do it! Miss Higurashi, report to the principal's office immediately!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill," muttered Kagome, glaring disdainfully at the wounded Kouga. "Let's get going." She grabbed Inu-yasha in one hand and her bag in the other and dragged them all into the hallway, cursing to herself.

* * *

Kagome stopped dead in her tracks. She wasn't quite sure what she was doing; the last thing she remembered was following Inu-yasha into some weird cave, and when she woke up she was in an empty hallway. As far as Kagome could tell, she was in an American high school. She also seemed to be wearing a black T-shirt with silver flames and fishnet sleeves, which simply added to the surrealism of the place.

However, none of this was what had caused her to stop dead in her tracks. The real reason was the girl who had just bumped into her. The girl was tall, with long dark hair in two pigtails, and a mostly pink outfit that seemed to have been sprayed on. A group of similar-looking girls followed a few feet behind, their faces vacant. Kagome was about to speak up when the lead girl turned around.

Despite the general ugliness of her face and the expression of snobbish disgust on her features, the girl bore a strong resemblance to Kikyou. She rolled her eyes when she saw Kagome.

"Um…" Kagome was having a hard time speaking. "Kikyou? Is that you? Why are you dressed like that?"

The Kikyou look-alike sneered. "For your information, loser, I'm dressed like this because I'm actually hot, unlike you. I can actually get guys. Like, why are you even talking to me anyway?" Before Kagome could reply, she continued. "Like, whatever. Just keep your bitchy little hands off my Inu-yashie."

"Inu-yasha? Is he here?" Kagome asked eagerly. Perhaps he would know what was going on, and why Kikyou was acting so strangely. However, the words were no sooner out of her mouth than Kikyou whirled around and ran toward her, hatred in her eyes.

"I told you to stay away from my Inu-yashie, stupid punk! He's my Inu-yashie!"

Kagome screamed and threw up her hands in self-defense, certain that Kikyou was going to kill her. But when the attack never came, she opened her eyes cautiously and nearly fainted.

A different Kikyou, wearing a cheerleader's uniform and the intelligent expression Kagome was used to, had an arrow leveled at the ugly Kikyou. Beside her, Kagura was scowling and shooing away the false Kikyou's followers.

"All of you move! No, I don't know where! Think for yourselves! That's right, think! Go! Are you trying to test my patience!" There was a groan as she punched one of the generic followers. "That's right, move! All of you, move it!"

The Kikyou with the bow waited until the hall was quiet again before speaking to her counterpart. "You will cease harassing this girl and leave."

"I'm, like, sick of people looking like me! And I'm the captain of the cheerleading squad, not you! You'd better not touch my Inu-yashie—ahh!" An arrow hit the wall a millimeter to the left of the false Kikyou's head, and she took off running.

The remaining Kikyou turned to the trembling Kagome. "I take it you are the true Kagome?"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!"

* * *

When Kouga and Inu-yasha left the apathetic Kagome at the door to the principal's office, she'd given Inu-yasha instructions to accompany, as she put it, "the damn prep" to the nurse's office and deny any accusations he made against her. Not wishing to return to the Home Ec. classroom and unsure of where else to go, he'd followed her directions. After a fashion.

"Hurry up, you stupid wolf!"

From the opposite side of the hallway, Kouga glared at him. "Why don't I beat you up and see how fast you can go in some damn human body!"

"Just try it!"

"Oh, Kouga! You're bleeding! What happened to you!"

Both males turned to see a girl in a cheerleading uniform running toward them. Red pigtails flying out behind her, she hurled herself at Kouga, practically crying with worry.

"Oh, Kouga! Who did this to you?" She whirled toward Inu-yasha, fists clenched. "Was it him!"

Kouga briefly considered saying yes and unleashing the girl on Inu-yasha, who certainly deserved it, but his pride overruled this notion. He shook his head. "No, it was… someone else, Ayame."

She squealed, green eyes bright with delight. "Oh, you remembered my name! Yay! I'll take you to the nurse now, Kouga!" She glared at Inu-yasha. "Shoo! Run along, now! Stupid punks around my Kouga…" The girl turned back to Kouga and giddily latched onto his arm, ignoring the wolf's struggles. "And one day, I will be your girlfriend, Kouga! Let's go!"

Inu-yasha watched them depart, torn between listening to Kagome and getting as far away from those two as fast as possible. The internal struggle did not last long, and after a moment Inu-yasha set off to find Kagome.

(A/N: aww, isn't that sweet? Now that kogas out of the picture, inu-yasha can be with Kogome! that is, till a certain evil prep shows up to ruin their love! But youll have to guess who it is!1 Mwahaha, im so evil, ne?)

Inu-yasha spun around. "What the hell was that!" The hallway was deserted, and he received no answer. "Naraku, is that you? Who's watching me!" The air remained quiet, and after a moment he shuddered and hurried off.

* * *

"Okay," began Kagome, sitting against the wall and trying not to succumb to hysteria. "Let me see if I understand this. I'm in some weird alternate dimension where all my friends attend an American high school and act nothing like themselves." Kagura nodded. "There may or may not be a way out, and two people who usually seem to hate me want me to help them look for it."

"That's about it," answered Kagura apathetically from her place leaning against the wall.

Kikyou, who was acting as a lookout for further attacks, chimed in. "There is safety in numbers, and you are the only one who knows anything about this 'high school.' Oh, and Kagome?"

"Yeah?"

"What is a cheerleader?"

Kagome laughed nervously. "Oh, yeah. A cheerleader is a girl who wears a short skirt and stands on the sidelines cheering for an athlete."

"So… You, then?" asked Kagura.

"Hey! Do you want my help or not?"

Kikyou watched the brewing conflict impassively. "One final question before we begin our search."

Temporarily distracted, Kagome turned to her. "Yes?"

"What, exactly, is a slutty-ass ho bitch?"

Kagome blushed. "Um, it's an insult."

"I had figured as much."

"It's not really important what it means," Kagome stammered. Even devoid of her powers, Kikyou was intimidating, and it was probably better not to offend her. Besides, Kagome did not relish the thought of explaining any of the concepts to Kikyou. The priestess's eyes narrowed, but she did not press for further details.

Kagura was the next to speak. "Okay, we want to get out. I've been wandering around the halls for hours, but I haven't gotten anywhere. We can keep looking here or we can try to see what's outside."

"I'd kinda like to go outside," responded Kagome. "I want to see if I can find some different clothes."

"As would I," agreed Kikyou.

"Outside it is."

* * *

The high school parking lot was dull and nondescript, the only noticeable feature being the graffiti covering the school walls.

"Okay," mused Kagome as her companions looked around in wonder, "We probably won't get very far walking, especially with the heels you two are wearing. So we should see if we could find bicycles or get a ride from someone." _Not that I know where to go anyway_, she mentally added.

"Bicycles? A ride?" asked Kikyou, who was curiously examining a motorcycle.

"Yeah, a bicycle's a kind of vehicle with two wheels. We use them to get around in my time. And there are also cars, which are like…" She paused, searching for the right words. "An improved kind of horse," she finished lamely.

"Hey, Kagome! Is this a 'car'?" yelled Kagura from across the parking lot. Kikyou and Kagome walked over to where she was standing.

The wind sorceress was indicating with a bemused expression a convertible. If the simple word "convertible" could even begin to describe it. It was black and shone the way that cars only did in wax commercials. It was also large enough to fill two spaces, with silver flames running along the bottom. The license plate read "PNKQUN."

"Yeah, this is a car. Man, it must've cost a fortune," gaped Kagome, examining it.

"Hey, maybe it's yours," commented Kagura. "You match."

Kagome looked from the silver flames on her shirt and baggy pants to the ones on the car. "Well, that's not really how things work here…" On a whim, she reached into her pocket and, somewhat surprised, withdrew a car key. It fit the lock perfectly. "Of course, logic doesn't really seem to work here."

When they were all situated, with Kagome in the driver's seat and Kagura next to her, Kikyou asked from the back, "Can you operate this vehicle?"

"Well… I know how. But you should probably fasten your seat belt." The priestess was already fumbling with the buckle.

"Okay," said Kagome nervously, mentally saying a prayer. "Here goes nothing."

* * *

"You were completely right; those teachers are assholes. Death to all gym uniforms, right?"

"Right," agreed Inu-yasha with genuine conviction. He was not sure of much at the moment, but one thing he was certain about was that no one, but _no one_, was getting him into shorts and a jersey.

Kagome smirked and grabbed a black messenger bag from her locker, slamming the door of the pink-clad girl next to her as she passed. "You're not actually going to do the detention, are you?"

"No," replied Inu-yasha, staring hungrily at the bag in Kagome's hand. She followed his gaze and laughed, tossing her black hair (which seemed to have acquired blue streaks over the course of the day) over her shoulders.

"Don't you have a lunch? I thought the Taiyoukais were the richest family ever."

"Taiyoukais?" he asked bemusedly.

She turned to him, an eyebrow raised. "You are Inu-yasha Taiyoukai, aren't you?"

"Oh, um, yeah. Maybe… Maybe my lunch is in that locker thing," he replied, still not taking his eyes from her bag.

"Fine, then I'll get the gang to share with you. School food sucks."

"Sucks what?" said Inu-yasha, who'd been meaning to ask; according to Kagome, most everything in the school seemed to do so. She shot him a disbelieving look.

"Look, Inu-yasha—oh, great."

Kouga, still in his football uniform, was waiting by the lunchroom door. When he caught sight of Kagome, his face became a mixture of lovesickness and fear, but he ran towards her anyway. She clenched her fists threateningly.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Kagome, I love you! Why did you—oof!" Kouga doubled over, having been kicked in the stomach. Kagome sneered at him.

"Do you remember what I told you last time you asked me out?"

"No," Kouga wheezed, straightening back up.

Kagome leaned against the wall, radiating barely suppressed anger. "I said to go (censored)(censored) yourself (censored) and then (censored) with a pineapple (censored)(censored)(censored)."

"Oh," said both Kouga and Inu-yasha faintly, faces red. Kagome laughed at their discomfort.

"So," she continued conversationally, shoving her way through the solid crowd of people in the lunchroom. Inu-yasha followed, growling, with Kouga trying to keep up behind them.

"Why are you following me around anyway, preppy boy? Are you _trying_ to get your face kicked in?"

"No! No, I'm not!" Trying to keep up with the red-and-blue-streaked head weaving through the multitude in front of him, Kouga was acutely aware of his injuries. Just as he was about to pass out from the pressure of the crowd surrounding him, the wolf emerged into an area that was practically empty. He took a few deep breaths before glancing around.

He had apparently just stepped through some kind of invisible barrier. The students were crammed together like sardines right next to him, but they stopped abruptly about five feet from the lunch table next to which he was standing. Its black-clad residents were all glaring at him suspiciously; he turned to see all of the other students staring as well. Then the whispers started.

"Omigod, _Kouga_ is standing next to the _punk table_!"

"The _punk table_! Say it isn't so!"

"But I thought he was the captain of the football team! My world is shattering apart before my eyes!"

Kouga noticed that Kagome, who was seated at the head of the table with Inu-yasha at her side, was watching him with slightly less hostility. He tentatively sat down across from her, completely mystified about what was going on; Inu-yasha glared harder at him.

"Wow, preppy boy, you actually sat down at the punk table. Are you just trying to piss us off or do you want to turn punk or something?"

Kouga briefly considered this and decided on the answer that was less likely to get him beaten up. "No, I, uh, want to turn punk…"

Kagome's face broke into a bright smile. "Great! We'll get you away from those preps! We'll skip out of school after this and head to Hot Topic!" She dug into her lunch with gusto; neither Inu-yasha nor Kouga touched their food, as they were too busy glaring at each other.

"Don't sit so close to Kagome, mutt," Kouga growled under his breath

"Shut up. I don't even think this is Kagome," Inu-yasha whispered back, yellow eyes narrowed and claw-less fingers clenching.

"You don't think at all! Just move!"

"Make me!"

All noise in the lunchroom suddenly ceased, and the air grew heavy with tension. Especially apprehensive was the Punk Table, around which the silence was centered. An shadow fell over the lunch trays. There was a moment in which it seemed the entire lunchroom was holding its breath, and then…

"Hello, Kago—"

"Shut the hell up, wolf boy! I could beat you any day!"

"Try me, mutt!"

The entire lunchroom sighed, and Kagome punched both males. The mysterious voice cleared its throat.

"Hello, Kagome."

The punk's voice was laced with bitterness. "What the hell are you doing here?"

(a/n: Mwahahaha! end chappie! im so evil, evil cliffie! who could the mysterious person b? Vote for who it is in your reviews, ill post the next chapter after 5 more reviews! So REVIEW or ill send the evil purple bunnie's after you!)

"There it is again! Where the HELL is that voice coming from!" yelled Inu-yasha, leaping to his feet. The surrounding punks stared at him.

"Uh, mutt, are you okay?" asked Kouga. "I mean, I knew you were stupid, but I didn't think you were nuts."

The mysterious voice sighed. "Really, I don't know why I bother."


	3. Plans, Alliances, and Some Very Cliched

Chapter Three: Plans, Alliances, and Some Very Clichéd Angst

* * *

"Are you sure? Last time was a little painful."

"I'm sorry about that," said Miroku, fumbling with Sango's eyebrow ring. "But maybe if I just pull like this…"

"Ah!"

The monk quickly withdrew his hand. "Sorry."

Sango sighed. "I guess we'll just have to leave them there. So what now?"

Miroku sat down on the floor and closed his eyes. "We can wait here for something to happen, or we can explore this place. We are unsure of the dangers this time holds, but…"

But the demon slayer was no longer listening. Instead, she was staring out of the door. She quickly tugged on Miroku's arm.

"Yes?"

"Look at that!" she frantically whispered.

Miroku glanced out and his eyes widened. Walking past the store was a group of people dressed in the same odd fashion as Sango and himself. That, however, was not what had surprised him. The surprising component was that they all bore a striking resemblance to Inu-yasha and his group.

"That one looks like me!" whispered Sango, indicating a tough-looking girl chatting with Kagome. "And there's you!"

"Those are obviously not us," replied Miroku, shaking his head in wonderment. "And Inu-yasha and Kagome were not themselves earlier… Sango, it all makes sense! This place somehow clones us and the clones act strangely."

"So…" mused Sango, "the real Kagome and Inu-yasha are out there somewhere!"

"Hi!" broke in a cheery voice, startling the two. Sango quickly turned to the voice's owner, a young and almost impossibly beautiful girl. Her long dark hair fell to her knees, and her vivid blue eyes sparkled as she laughed. A long black dress, which seemed to be made out of gauze, revealed that she was somehow both impossibly thin and impossibly busty. Sango would have rolled her eyes had she not been too busy elbowing Miroku, who was drooling.

Before the slayer could think of what to say, the girl started talking again. "My name is Sabriel Blackfire! I just moved here because my whole family was killed mysteriously! Isn't that mysterious and interesting? Oh, but you can't tell anyone, because it's supposed to be the deep dark secret that I get to angst about! Mysteriously! And I'm a punk and I'm going to go to Shikon High! And I've already met another really hot skater punk and he knows all the deep pain hidden in my heart because nobody understands how different and mysterious I am!"

"Oh… how nice for you," responded Sango. The girl seemed to have a permanent exclamation point screwed to her sentences, but it was probably best to humor her. Besides, she seemed to know what she was doing, which was more than Sango or Miroku did at the moment.

"Yeah, his name is Sesshoumaru Taiyoukai, and he's the singer in a punk rock band, and he's going to Shikon High, too! I'm defiantly in love with him!"

"We aren't trying to stop you," Sango said, confused, but Sabriel had already picked up her monologue.

"Are you going to Shikon High? Oh, I hope so! Because I didn't have any friends at all for the better part of my childhood, except that one girl who pretended to be my friend so she could stab me in the back even though I never did anything to her—WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU JACKASS!"

Snapping out of the doze she had fallen into, Sango couldn't decide whether to laugh or leap to Miroku's aid. Sabriel was beating him over the head with a mannequin while he futilely attempted to explain himself. Finally, the monk fell to the floor and stayed down. The girl turned back to the bemused Sango, a bright smile on her face.

"You know, I could really do with some of those rude-saying key chains!"

* * *

"Kagura! Put your seat belt back on! No! NO! Don't lean out the window like that, you could take your head off! What if a police officer sees us! Are you trying to get killed! Oh my God, what am I doing…"

Hunched over in the driver's seat, Kagome was sweating bullets and trying to concentrate while yelling at her companion. The fact that she seemed to be able to drive perfectly well in this universe was not very comforting. In the seat behind her, Kikyou was busy conducting some sort of prayer ritual. Kagura was the only one enjoying herself.

"Woo hoo! So how long is it before these get invented?"

"GET BACK IN HERE!"

* * *

After a few minutes, Kagura quieted down and dozed off. Kagome and Kikyou, both thankful for the peace, elected not to wake her. The following half hour was spent in silence.

Finally: "Kagome?"

"Yes?" Kagome asked, a bit more sharply than she'd intended. The girl never once took her eyes from the road in front of her.

Kikyou, on the other hand, had spent the ride staring out the window, and was somewhat disquieted by what she had seen. "May I draw your attention to the scenery?"

"What about it—ahh! Oh my God! It's all blurry and faded and stuff!"

"Indeed. I have noticed that the surrounding area has grown progressively fainter as we have distanced ourselves from Shikon High. Perhaps it is an effect of this strange universe?"

"What, the universe is only distinct at the high school? How does that make any sense?" She paused. "Wait, why am I even asking that?"

Next to her, Kagura groggily opened her eyes. "Asking what? What are you shrieking about now?" She turned over and jumped in her seat. "What happened to the scenery?"

"It slowly faded," responded Kikyou dispassionately.

"So what do we do now!" snapped Kagome, and then covered her mouth. She turned to speak to Kikyou. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to yell like that."

"Right," said Kikyou.

"It's just that this isn't a great situation and I know I sounded a little mean," continued Kagome.

"Right!" yelled Kagura.

Kagome shot her an annoyed glance. "Look, I apologized! You don't need to yell."

The wind sorceress grabbed the steering wheel and jerked it sharply to the right, dodging out of the way of a truck just in time. Kagome stared at the truck, then at the steering wheel, and then at the road, white as a sheet.

"Well… Um, I'll just concentrate on driving, and you can, um, figure out what to do about… um, everything."

Kagura leaned over the seat to stare at Kikyou, who seemed to have resigned herself to the situation. "What do you suggest? We head back, or keep going?"

"There appears to be a spot of color in that direction," responded Kikyou, indicating a building farther along the road. "Perhaps we should search there."

Kagura craned her neck to see. "Yeah. Kagome, take us there."

"Sure thing," said the schoolgirl, eyes practically glued to the road.

"But you're not even looking."

"I am never taking my eyes off the road again."

Kagura leaned back in her seat. "You know, maybe I should drive…"

"NO!" screamed Kikyou and Kagome at the same time. To her surprise, Kagome realized that it was the first time they had ever agreed about anything.

* * *

Slowly, hips swaying for maximum effect, Kikyou walked over to Kagome's side of the Punk Table and leaned against it, practically in Inu-yasha's lap. Her midriff-baring pink tank top was cut far too low for comfort, giving the half-demon a full view of her cleavage. He turned bright red; Kagome growled ferally.

"Must look away. Can't look away. Must look away," mumbled Inu-yasha to himself. Kikyou smirked.

"See anything you like?"

Kagome stood, shoving Kikyou off of Inu-yasha, whose nose had begun bleeding. "Are you here for a reason, or do you just want to let the new kid know what a whore you are as soon as possible?"

Kikyou sighed. "Actually, I'd heard that the new boy was kind of cute, so I wanted to see if I could, ahem, 'show him around.'" She winked suggestively at Inu-yasha. "But you know, Kagome, jealously really isn't becoming on you. Of course, neither is that outfit." Her nose wrinkled with disgust. "Do you pick your wardrobe entirely out of the Fashion Don'ts section or something?"

(A/N: sorry ppl who like kinky ho, I mean kikyo, but I really hate her so their is kikyo bashing in this fic! why doesnt she just leave inu and kag alone!)

"Don't call her that! Where the hell are you! I'll kill you!" Inu-yasha leapt to his feet, fists at the ready. The gazes of the entire Punk Table and a few onlookers turned to him.

"Like, who exactly are you talking about?" asked Kikyou, leaning forward across the table and shoving her cleavage into Kouga's face. Inu-yasha paused, perplexed.

"Um… Can't you guys hear it?"

Kikyou laughed. "Cute but stupid, just how I like them. Kagome, we all know you're too ugly and bitchy to find a boyfriend, so I think I'll take this one, m'kay?"

With a cry of fury, Kagome leapt at Kikyou, various chains jingling. Before Inu-yasha could register the situation, the pair was rolling around on the linoleum floor, screeching various expletives at each other. Kagome, who was obviously the stronger of the two (which didn't make much sense to Inu-yasha, who'd seen Kikyou fight before), had the upper hand, but this Kikyou fought like a cat and was less encumbered by clothing.

"That's… that's not my Kagome…" mumbled Kouga, who seemed to be in shock.

"Shut up, you stupid wolf!" yelled Inu-yasha as he finally came to his senses and pried the two apart. A group of scantily clad girls, somewhat reluctant to enter Punk Table territory, rushed to the bleeding Kikyou's aid. It took all of Inu-yasha's strength to restrain Kagome.

"Let go of me! What the hell did that bitch think she was doing! Let me at her!"

"Please!" said Inu-yasha, trying to fend off blows from the still-infuriated Kagome. "Let's just…" he stumbled across the unfamiliar words, "talk about this…"

"Okay," an older voice sighed as the crowds parted. "What's going on here?" Kaede, dressed in business suit and frowning severely, appeared next to the table. A hush fell over the lunchroom. Rubbing her temples, the principal took in the scene.

"Kagome, not again."

One of the generic Kikyou-minions spoke up. "We saw the whole thing! Kiki wasn't doing anything and that, that, that punk just attacked her!" The minions nodded in agreement; the punks began to yell and scream. Kagome cast a glare at the lot of them and silence reigned once again.

"That bitch got what she deserved."

"Kagome, do you want to be expelled from yet another school?"

"Bite me."

Kaede sighed. "Come with me, young lady, and we'll call your mother."

Kagome flipped a lock of wavy, multi-colored hair out of her face and glared. "Like that drunken bitch cares about anything."

"What?" burst out Inu-yasha. "But I know your mother, she's—"

"Shut up!" screamed Kagome, lashing out and knocking him backwards. "You don't know anything about me! None of you understand the pain I go through every single day!" She ran out of the lunchroom, the principal shaking her head.

Chatter gradually picked up again as the gawkers realized that the show was over. Sango, whose dark hair was streaked with red and face was dotted with metal, explained to the shocked Kouga that Kagome "just did this" sometimes. And Kikyou, pink tank and denim miniskirt torn and bloodstained, sauntered over to Inu-yasha.

"So Inu-baby, how 'bout I give you a tour of the school? Inu-baby? Inu-baby! Like, somebody get cold water or whatever! Inu-baby, can you hear me!"

* * *

"Okay," said Kagome, sighing with relief and seriously considering kissing the asphalt of the parking lot. "We're here."

The three women stared of at the gray edifice of stone. The building was large and swarming with people, but more importantly, it was vividly clear, in sharp contrast with the dull and blurry surrounding area. The reluctant companions walked inside.

Once through the doors, Kagome's face burst into a smile. "I know what this is! It's a mall!" She turned slowly around, examining the stores. "It's too bad I can't read English. But I'm sure we can figure out what most of these stores are." Her face fell. "Wait… Where are we going to get the money to buy anything?"

Kikyou, who was feeling rather ill-tempered since she'd been made to leave her bow in the car, spoke up stiffly. "I believe an explanation of this 'mall' is in order."

"Oh, it's like a really big market."

"Hey," Kagura said, pointing at a store called Abercrombie and Fitch. "I think I see some of our substitutes."

Indeed, a false Kagome and Sango seemed to be arguing in front of the store with a false Inu-yasha, Miroku, and… Sesshoumaru?

"Oh, it's a pair of punkettes," The false Inu-yasha was saying, practically radiating smarm. "What are you doing here? Besides admiring my sexiness, of course."

The real Kagome noticed that he was wearing a pair of khakis and red button-up shirt along with a red bandana before mentally shaking herself. _Why do I keep doing that? Focus on the conversation, Kagome!_

The false Kagome, who was wearing a tight red shirt and black shorts with chains (all of which the real Kagome tried desperately to ignore), growled. "Like I want anything to do with you stuck-up, jackass (censored) preppy (censored). In fact, you're so ugly I'm surprised you didn't die when you saw your face in the store window."

The false Inu-yasha reddened with anger. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT! NO GIRL EVER REJECTS INU-YASHA, YOU WENCH!"

"Don't call me wench, (censored)!"

"I'M THE HOTTEST AND MOST POPULAR GUY IN SCHOOL!"

The false Kagome seemed unfazed. "I'm Kagome Higurashi, but you'd better call me Shadow if you don't want to die."

"W-what?" the Inu-yasha look-alike stuttered. "You mean like the really rich Higurashis, the ones who are worth more than Bill Gates and the President smushed together, who own Ubermegarich Incorporated, and have ten mansions scattered around the United States?"

"Yeah."

Sesshoumaru, who'd been sulking over the "hottest" comment, spoke up. "And wasn't the father murdered mysteriously a couple years ago, leaving the daughter traumatized, so now she dresses all in black, and never reveals her emotions, and rejects the slutty and frivolous lifestyle every other rich girl ever has no choice but to lead?"

"Uh-huh."

Miroku gasped in awe. "And isn't there rumored to be telekinetic shadow demon blood in the family, which is especially strong in the daughter, so now she can defeat her enemies using only mind powers, and transform into a shadow demon capable of leveling a city? But isn't she a martial arts master anyway?" He passed out from lack of air.

"It's true."

The real Kagome turned back to Kagura and Kikyou. "Did you hear that?"

Kikyou nodded. "Yes. Whoever created this universe obviously suffers from some form of mental illness."

"Yeah, but that's not what I meant. Did you hear what she said about being rich?"

Kagura smirked. "I get it. We'll ambush the girl and take her money."

Kagome's face fell. "No! If she's rich, then maybe I am!" The girl began rifling through the many pockets on her ridiculously oversized pants, and finally pulled out a wad of dollars. "I don't know much about American money, but this has got to buy us some new clothing. I say we split up, search the mall for anyone else Naraku threw into this universe, and meet back here as soon as possible."

"Sure," said Kagura, snatching most of the bills and heading off. Kikyou nodded, took half of what remained, and set off in the opposite direction. Kagome sighed, counted out the meager leftovers, and started searching for a shop that sold the bordering-on-obscene skirts she usually wore.

* * *

"Hey, wolf."

"What do you want, mutt?"

"What are you gonna do now?"

"You want my _help_?"

"No! I… I already know what I'm gonna do, I just wanna know what you're gonna do."

Kouga stopped and scratched his head. The hallway was deserted; all the other students had gone off to class after lunch, leaving the two to aimlessly wander the halls. So far, they had refrained from punching each other, but the effort was beginning to wear on them.

"Weren't we supposed to go to that 'Fizz Ed' thing?"

Inu-yasha snorted. "Screw that."

Kouga leaned against the wall, unfamiliar neurons firing in his brain as he tried to think through the problem. "Maybe we should go look for Kagome."

Inu-yasha slouched against the opposite wall. "I don't think that was really Kagome. She doesn't remember about fighting demons or anything. And she doesn't act like Kagome."

"So… maybe the real Kagome's here somewhere?"

They both jumped as the hallway was suddenly filled with noise. Doors burst open and black-wearing students flooded the hallways, straps and chains and assorted accessories flying out behind them. Kagome's voice rose above the general racket, which by now included the yelling of teachers and other students.

"Everyone! To your lockers! Let's grab our skateboards and get outta here!"

In the eye of the hurricane, Kouga and Inu-yasha stood stunned.

"Skateboard?"

"My locker won't open."

Kagome rolled over to them and sighed. Neither male could help but notice that her board was black, with red stripes and silver designs. A strand of hair (which by now was also sporting silver streaks) fell out of her messy bun to perfectly frame her face.

"Well, prep-boy here probably can't even ride a skateboard—"

"Skateboard?"

"Shut it. And I don't feel like busting in another locker today, so you two can just run behind us until we get to the motorcycles."

"Motorcycles?"

"You can ride with 'Roku in his car, then."

"Roku?"

"Just shut it."

* * *

Kagura blinked. She rubbed her eyes and blinked again. "Well," the sorceress said to no one in particular, "I think I've found their god."

The store she was standing in front of was dark, with loud music blaring from inside, and clothing similar to the false Kagome's. If Kagura could have read the sign, she would have seen that it was called "Hot Topic." She could not, however, and curiously walked inside.

Almost immediately a worn down voice called out, "Kagura?"

The wind sorceress turned to see Sango gazing hopefully at her. "Oh, the demon slayer."

Sango's expression was weary, as though she'd gone through this process all day. Her dark hair was streaked with pink and bound in a high ponytail, and various metal objects seemed to be lodged in her face. She was wearing ripped fishnets, combat boots, a black skirt with chains, a black shirt with some strange saying on it, and… Kagura recoiled in horror. Covering the slayer's arms were at least ten black armbands, all of which bore different sayings.

"Take those damn bands off or else we'll be here all day," she finally managed to say.

Sango sighed with relief. "So you're the real Kagura."

"Yeah. Hey," Kagura said curiously, examining the objects imbedded in Sango's skin. "Don't those hurt?"

"No," Sango replied, fingering the eyebrow ring. "They're ugly, though." She cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled to the back of the store. "Hey, Miroku! Kagura's here!"

"The real one?"

"Yeah!"

As Kagura watched, Miroku emerged from the store's dark recesses, the same weary expression on his face. He, too, was dressed in strange black attire. Kagura wondered why it seemed to be so popular in this time.

"Please tell me you've found Inu-yasha."

Kagura rolled her eyes. "No, I don't have the idiot. But I've got the stupid girl and the creepy priestess."

"Kagome and Kikyou," Sango translated, sighing. "Have they killed each other?"

"Not yet. I suppose you two should join us; safety in numbers or whatever. What's that thing on the monk's shirt?"

Miroku looked down. "That? Cheerful Rabbit or something, I'm not quite sure."

"Well, whatever. Come on." And then, because some things cannot be changed, however many time-space distortions they are subject to, the wind sorceress turned, punched, and yelled, "Asshole!"

* * *

Kagome browsed the racks of clothing, searching for a skirt short enough, when she began to hear strange sounds. After grabbing a shirt to try on, she pushed through the outfits and stopped short.

"And I thought nothing else _could_ surprise me," she muttered weakly, leaning against a pillar for support. Although she was rather shocked to see two people making out on the floor of a clothing store, the fact that one of the two people looked remarkably like Sesshoumaru was what almost gave her a heart attack.

At Kagome's gasp and weak statement, the two looked up. One of them was, in fact, Sesshoumaru; the other was a strange-looking girl Kagome didn't recognize. The girl smiled and pushed her thick and miraculously un-mussed black hair from her face.

"Hi! My name is Sabriel! Sesshoumaru here rescued me from an abusive foster family and now he's helping to heal my emotional wounds!" she babbled brightly.

"Oh, how lovely for you," replied Kagome, giggling nervously. "That's just-ahh!" She screamed and ran in the opposite direction, skimpy outfits flying out behind her like colored rain. Sabriel and Sesshoumaru looked at one another, shrugged, and went back to what they had been doing.

* * *

"So, how does it feel so far to be a punk, Kouga?" asked Kagome, leaning against her red and black motorcycle. She was now wearing a fishnet shirt over a black tube top, a short and gauzy black skirt, fishnet stockings, and black stiletto-heeled boots. Realizing that he had been asked a question, Kouga tore his eyes from her outfit only to get lost in her hair and makeup.

The wolf wasn't quite sure whether she was beautiful or scary: her lips were purple and her eyes were lined in thick black. More wavy strands had escaped from their messy bun, framing her face; Kouga was pretty sure there was now some purple among the streaks.

"Um, Kagome, when did your eyes turn, um, sapphire blue like the ocean?" Where had he gotten that one? Kagome glared skeptically at him.

"They've always been this color. Now," her tone became icier, "I asked you a _question_."

"Oh. Uh… I feel a lot heavier."

The air was silent save for the jingle of chains.

"And... cooler. I feel cooler. And, um, rebellious."

The surrounding group nodded sagely. They, too, knew the personality-altering effects of chains and black clothing. As they turned and headed into the club, Inu-yasha drew closer to Kouga. He stopped, however, a few feet away, just close enough to be walking with the wolf, but far enough away to show his complete and utter disdain for him. The effect was lost on Kouga, who couldn't seem to tear his eyes from the girl.

"Hey! Moron!" Inu-yasha whispered loudly, finally causing Kouga to turn around.

"What do you want, idiot?"

"We have to _do_ something!"

Kouga rolled his eyes. "Really? 'Cause I was planning to spend my entire life following psycho-Kagome around high school while wearing circus tents on my legs!"

"Shut up," Inu-yasha growled. "Quit complaining; mine are baggier than yours."

"Are your eyes as useless as your brain is? Look at these!"

Inu-yasha, however, was glancing around at the press of bodies in the club. All were dancing, dressed in various articles of black clothing, and completely unfamiliar. "Just great, you stupid wolf! Look what you did! You lost Kagome!"

"Don't blame this on me—"

"Hey!" Both males looked up guiltily at the speaker, an angry-looking Kagome who had materialized out of nowhere. "Remember what I said I'd do if you pissed me off?" The two gulped and nodded. "Well, you're pissing me off! Come on!"

She whirled around and headed back into the crowd, Inu-yasha and Kouga following. If either noticed the pink streaks slowly worming their way through her messy bun, they made no comment.


	4. Arrival and Subsequent Escape

Chapter Four: Arrival and Subsequent Escape From the Sengoku Jidai

* * *

"They got lost," the false Kagome announced to the rest of the group, rolling her eyes. "I found them."

"Good," the false Sango replied, applying a bit of last-minute maroon eye shadow to her pale face. Before Kouga could avert his eyes, he noticed that her black fingernails matched the fingerless gloves, tight black tank, and spiked choker she was wearing. Tearing his gaze away, the wolf concentrated on the floor, cataloguing the various objects and fluids that had been discarded.

"We're on in five minutes," the false Sango continued.

"On where?"

"Oh, we're in a band. We're Dark Black Ebony Jet Obsidian Onyx Sable Shadow Hellfire Rebels. I play the lead guitar, Miroku is bass guitar, Ayame is drums, and Kagome sings lead. She has a voice like an angel. Ahh!"

Hearing the girl's sudden scream, the wolf looked up to see her violently beating another boy about the head and shoulders with a folding chair.

"How dare you touch me, you pervert hentai letch!"

"Sango, please!"

Puzzled, Kouga looked back over to Inu-yasha, who was rolling his eyes, and Kagome, who was laughing. The hot pink had fully worked its way through her hair now, he noticed; the effect was rather shocking. She caught him staring and raised a pierced eyebrow.

"Oh? What do you think?"

"It's, um, very eye-catching," Kouga spluttered, hoping it was the right thing to say.

"Hey!" a passing boy yelled to them, grinning. Kouga rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Was that… Jakotsu? "You display the rainbow, girlfriend! Gay pride!"

The entire group, including Sango and Miroku, froze. Finally Kagome replied icily, "No one here heard that."

Another shriek interrupted her, and Kouga and Inu-yasha exchanged silent "What now?" looks. Following the others, they headed around to the side of the stage, where Ayame was screaming her head off. The tone had changed, however; the first screams had been surprised. These were angry.

Eying the target of her verbal abuse, Kouga wasn't quite sure what was going on. The girl was pale, with long dark hair, and wearing a tight pink tube top, mini-skirt, and pair of stiletto-heeled boots. She was also wrapped around a boy Kouga vaguely recognized from the school. She had begun to yell back at the group. The wolf squinted; in the dim light the girl looked almost similar to Kagome.

Beside him Inu-yasha had gone into some sort of convulsions. "Kikyou. But. Kikyou. How. The Hell. Kikyou. I. But. Kikyou. What. But. The Hell. Kikyou."

The false Miroku shook his head sadly. "Inu-yasha, I'm sorry. I told you Kikyou would do this, though. It's what happens when you date a prep."

Meanwhile, the false Kagome had begun screaming. "How the hell could you do this to him, you whore? You're supposed to be his girlfriend! And with Houjo, of all people! How could you be such a slutty (censored)(censored)(censored)?"

Kouga stared in bafflement. "Girlfriend? But I thought Inu-yasha just got here today." All turned to glare at him, even the disheveled and lipstick-smudged Houjo. "Okay. Girlfriend. Whatever."

At that point, three things happened simultaneously. Kagome leapt at Kikyou, who screamed and attacked like a banshee; Sango resumed beating Miroku; and Kouga grabbed the twitching Inu-yasha and dragged him into the crush of bodies and away from the confusing and by now bloody scene.

* * *

"Okay," began Kagome, surveying the assembled group. "Sango, Miroku, are you yourselves? Um, I mean your real selves?" Kagura rolled her eyes, but the two only nodded.

"Great. Okay, we're all itching to do it, so let's take a few minutes to examine each other's outfits." The girl stared at the assembled group members, none of who knew anything about twenty first-century fashion, but had nevertheless managed to scrounge up what outfits they could find. Kikyou was stunning in a pale yellow business suit and lavender scarf, Miroku was wearing a purple bathrobe, and Sango had on a black bodysuit covered by a pink jacket and green skirt.

"I don't see why you're in charge," said Kagura, leaning against the wall. The only one with any real money, she had found a red evening gown and shawl. There was nothing particularly offensive about the outfit; the dress was long and displayed a modest neckline. However, there was just something about the way she wore it that seemed risqué. Miroku was staring and drooling. The wind sorceress held up an expensive red fan threateningly and added, "And monk, you've been looking long enough."

Kagome stepped in. "I wouldn't say I'm in charge, Kagura. Do you have any ideas about what to do?"

"Yeah. We find all the substitutes, put them in a pile, and set it on fire."

Sango raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Why not?"

The demon slayer sighed. "Though that would be satisfying, I think we should explore the area a bit more and try to find the others."

Kagome nodded. "Okay, that sounds good. I think Inu-yasha's here, and I saw a fake Sesshoumaru as well."

"You sure he was fake?" asked Kagura.

Kagome's face was haunted. "Yes."

"All right, then," sighed Kagura. "Monk, slayer, priestess, let's pile back in the car and go drive some more."

"Car?" asked Sango.

"Oh, you'll see," responded the sorceress, grinning for the first time since the conversation began. The group filed out of the mall, Kagura smiling unpleasantly, Kagome white as a sheet, Miroku and Sango confused, and Kikyou with the calm bearing of those who have accepted death gracefully.

* * *

"So," began Sango as Kagome fiddled with the car door. "Where do we go from here?"

Kagura leaned against the convertible's side, soft breeze playing with her shawl. "Well, I know part of Naraku's evil plot was—" She was cut off mid-sentence by the tortured sound of the air itself being ripped open. A black gash appeared next to her and promptly began to suck in everything around it.

Kikyou jumped to the side and ran to a safe distance, noting that Miroku and Sango had done the same. That only left Kagura, who was clinging to the car door for dear life, and Kagome, whose reflexes were much slower. Watching emotionlessly as the schoolgirl ran, Kikyou began to count under her breath.

"One, two, three…" At that exact moment, Kagome tripped and was dragged into the vortex, wailing like a banshee the entire way. Sango and Miroku both screamed; Kikyou simply nodded and Kagura rolled her eyes. After claiming its victim, the gash disappeared as though it had never been.

"It would appear," Kikyou stated frankly as soon as everyone had calmed down, "that Naraku does not wish his plans to be discussed."

Kagura dusted herself off. "So it seems. But we lost Kagome." The wind sorceress paused. "Oh, well."

Sango stepped forward angrily, about to defend Kagome. Her valiant action was cut short, however, when Miroku quickly shushed her and pushed her behind the convertible. The monk pointed across the parking lot, to where a Sango dressed in—they all desperately tried not to look at her outfit—dressed in black was making her way towards them. Miroku stepped out from behind the car just as she reached the group.

"Miroku?" she asked, eying them suspiciously. "What are you doing with Kag's car? And why are the Queen of Bitches and her little minion here?"

Kagura opened her mouth to protest her new status as Kikyou's minion, but Miroku spoke first. "I borrowed the car from Kagome. And Kikyou here was, um, indecently propositioning me."

The priestess shot him a Death Glare, but played along. "Yes. I was behaving in a promiscuous manner," she said curtly. "And I was also asking him for Inu-yasha's whereabouts. He said that you knew."

Sango laughed unkindly. "Yeah, but I wouldn't tell you, you bitchy whore."

Playing unconvincingly at chastisement, Kikyou led the reluctant Kagura to a nearby car, where they watched Miroku and the false Sango converse for a minute. Then the girl left, slapping him as she turned away, and the two returned.

"Well?" asked Kagura, voice laced with malice.

Miroku sighed and touched his face. "Apparently, Inu-yasha is part of a band of musical performers singing at a club called the Sengoku Jidai."

"Club?"

"I'm not sure what it is, either. But I have driving instructions."

The real Sango emerged from behind the car, glaring at the lot of them. "Has everyone forgotten about Kagome?"

"No," replied Kagura, returning the glare. "We just don't care."

Kikyou stepped between the two. Her bearing and expression said very clearly, "I can have my bow out from the car and put arrows through both your heads in a matter of seconds, but I'd rather not, so let's discuss this peaceably." Both Kagura and Sango relaxed marginally but continued to eye one another warily. Miroku, deprived of his chance to witness a catfight, pouted and sat on the car's hood.

"We know Inu-yasha's whereabouts," Kikyou began, "and we do not know Kagome's. I think it best that we find him first. And besides, wherever Inu-yasha is, I doubt Kagome is far behind." The priestess paused while the others nodded in agreement. Without turning around, she added, "And monk, your eyes should be on my head."

* * *

"Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Inu-yasha, somebody, save me! Ahh!" Kagome stopped and took a deep breath. "Ahhh!" After continuing in this vein for a while, the girl calmed down enough to examine her surroundings. And then she started screaming again. She was floating through a black void, dotted here and there with pinpricks of light. There were no discernable walls, ceilings, or floors, and she was horribly, horribly, alone.

"Ahhh!" Kagome passed out from lack of air.

An immeasurable amount of time later, Kagome awoke to see a pair of impossibly huge eyes staring at her. The eyes backed away when she started screaming again, and the girl realized that she was staring at Shippou.

"Hi, Kagome!"

"Ahh—oh. Hi, Shippou. Is this where you've been all this time?"

"Yep." Shippou back flipped lazily, rolling over and over again in the zero gravity atmosphere. "What are you doing in the plot hole?"

"Oh, I kinda got sucked in. Is there a way out?"

Shippou smiled and pointed to two nearby spots of light. "Sure thing. See those two? The right one will take you back to the cave, and the left one drops you in Hell."

Kagome smiled back and patted him on the head. "Thanks, Shippou. Are you coming with me?"

"Nah. It's nice in here. See you later."

Kagome smiled one last time, waved goodbye to the fox, and started dog paddling toward the right spot. Taking a deep breath, she dove in.

Behind her, Shippou was looking nervously at his hands. "Wait. If _this_ one's right, then _that_ one is le—oh no! Kagome! Kagome, wait!"

* * *

Nothing but emptiness, all around her, except this time she was falling, hair whipping at her face as she hurtled earthward… Kagome dared not open her eyes, only screamed louder than she'd previously thought possible. She was falling faster, and something within told her the ground was coming closer…

She landed with a relatively soft thud on a sticky concrete floor, shivering and whimpering. After a moment, the girl opened her eyes. And gaped in wonder. She was sitting in the midst of a crowd of people who were, for lack of a better word, dancing. The occasional flash of colored light punctuated the darkness around her, and the music was at that volume where you felt rather than heard it.

"Am I really alive?" she asked, if only for the reassurance that speech provided, because she couldn't hear herself anyway. Then: "Ew, what am I sitting in?" Kagome shakily pulled herself to her feet and began pushing herself to the exit, apologizing to dancers that couldn't understand her and wouldn't care if they did.

She screamed ineffectually again when a hand clamped itself onto her shoulder, and then turned to see someone who might have been Inu-yasha. He carefully scrutinized her face, swearing to himself.

"Do you remember Feudal Japan?" he finally asked. Kagome sighed with relief.

"Inu-yasha, it's you!"

"Kagome? Thank God!" He paused, then yelled up to the ceiling, "Yeah, I can tell her hair frames her face! Shut up already!"

Tentatively reaching toward her hair, Kagome realized that it was held in a messy bun and two strands were, in fact, framing her face. One of them was red. She looked down at herself, saw that she was wearing a revealing black fishnet dress, and sighed.

"I just went shopping, too. Oh, well. And Inu-yasha, I met up with the others. Miroku, Sango, Kagura… and Kikyou. They'll probably show up here looking for us." She suddenly grabbed Inu-yasha's shoulder, face white with terror. "Oh, no!"

* * *

A streak of black and silver sped down the highway. If one could pause the scene for a moment, one would be able to tell that it was a black convertible with silver flames running along the bottom. The hood and sides of the car were already covered with dents, scratches, and a few road signs.

Kagura yawned. "Do you think this thing goes any faster?" No one answered.

In the seat beside her, Kikyou was attempting to look for landmarks and failing. Sango was doing the same thing in the back, and Miroku was praying.

"Please not until someone bears my child, please…"

Kagura leaned curiously out the window. "Hey, look. The other cars look like they're standing still."

"Eyes on the road!" snapped Sango, composure dissipating as the car reached speeds that should have been impossible. Kagura threw back her head and laughed.

* * *

"Are we here?" asked a frazzled Sango, stumbling out of the car. Miroku, in even worse shape, followed behind her. From the other door, Kikyou emerged, expression unreadable as always.

"Hey, you. Is this the Sengoku Jidai?" Kagura asked, grabbing a random man from the sidewalk. He nodded, looking rather surprised, and the woman sighed and tossed him away.

The group turned and looked at the dull building. Even outside, the street pulsed with the beat of some form of noise, and all that could be seen of inside was darkness and a jumble of bodies illuminated by an occasional flash of colored light.

"Well, you kids have fun," Kagura said, smirking. "I will wait in the car."

"We're not leaving you alone with that thing. How will we know that you won't just take off on us?" Sango demanded. Kagura's only response was a throaty laugh.

The demon slayer, fuming, paced a few feet in front of the car. "Fine. Kikyou, you can stay here and watch Kagura—hey!"

Said undead priestess was already standing at the door to the club, carrying on a conversation with the bouncer.

"Excuse me."

"You lost, lady?"

"No. I wish to enter this 'club.'"

"Nothing doing."

"Excuse me?"

"Listen, lady, this is a punk nightclub."

Kikyou glanced down at her sophisticated pale yellow suit and back up at the bouncer. For a moment she contemplated a quick chop to the man's jugular vein, but decided against the action, as he was a mere human who wasn't actually fighting her. And she wasn't quite sure how strong her body was in this universe. The dead priestess calmly returned to the car, where her three companions were still arguing.

"I said, we're not leaving you alone with this car!"

"And I told you I'm not going in there. What are you going to do, human?"

"Silence." The others turned to Kikyou, who had managed to cram a page-long monologue's worth of concentrated malice into a single word. "This argument will benefit no one."

"Well, then what do you suggest we do?" Sango asked through gritted teeth.

Kikyou merely gave her a cool and unmoved glare. "I will enter the club and search for Inu-yasha. You may do as you wish. First, however, I will need access to the 'trunk' of this vehicle."

"Sure," replied Sango, yanking open the locked trunk with her bare hands. Kikyou gave her a slightly longer look, which very clearly stated that the demon slayer needed to work out her anger. Sango glared back evenly.

"As I had thought," announced Kikyou, turning her attention to the mounds of black cloth in the trunk. "She left it here." Sifting through the piles resignedly, the priestess pulled a few articles from within and retreated to the safety of a nearby alleyway. Sango, who didn't much care for the other woman but was nevertheless a good person, grabbed Miroku's arm, her hand like a vise.

"Sango?" he asked.

"Don't act innocent. You headed toward that alley the minute her back was turned."

The monk adopted an expression of wounded virtuousness. "You misunderstand. I was merely heading out to stretch my legs."

The slayer yawned. "I'm sure. Sit down on the car and stop trying to look over my shoulder."

A few minutes later, Kikyou returned. The others stared. She was wearing… well, they weren't quite sure. Her outfit seemed to be composed of three different pairs of stockings, two skirts, and three shirts. It was entirely black, and as she turned, they could see that a spiked wristband held back her hair. None of her skin except for her face was showing. The effect should have been comical; instead, it was frightening. Walking over to the car, Kikyou dropped her armful of detached chains and straps and headed back to the club.

Sango was the first to speak. "Well, if she's going, I'm going, too. Kagome might be in there."

Miroku sighed resignedly. "So I'll be staying with the car."

"Yes. Don't even think about leaving," Sango replied, yanking off her skirt and jacket quickly and pulling on a black outfit over her black bodysuit. Tossing her clothing over the neatly folded suit Kikyou had left in the trunk, the woman headed for the entrance to the club. Miroku turned to Kagura.

"We should probably make the best of our time alone together."

"If you so much as touch me, you _will_ be looking for your arm."

* * *

"I think the exit's this way!" Inu-yasha yelled, dragging Kagome through the crowd.

"Wait!" Kagome screamed back, pointing to one of the dancers. "I've seen that spiked pink hair before! We're going in circles!"

Inu-yasha spun to face her. "Well then, where do we go now?"

Before she could reply, the club became deathly quiet, and as one entity, the crowd turned to face the stage. Darkness flooded the building, causing Kagome to squeak and grab Inu-yasha's sleeve. After a moment, a single spotlight hit the stage, illuminating the false, rainbow-haired Kagome. The two could vaguely make out Sango, Miroku, and Ayame playing various instruments in the background.

The onstage Kagome opened her mouth and began to sing, the high-pitched and crystal clear notes drifting melodically through the club. Inu-yasha had to admit they weren't bad. However, they also sounded nothing like Kagome's voice.

"_I'm empty_

_Empty, I say_

_Nothing inside, it's all gone_

_Oh yeah, except for my hatred_

_I hate you_

_I hate you_

_You (censored)(censored)(censored)_

_I'm burning with hatred_

_Hatred is inside me_

_Hatred to the maximum_

_I'm filled with hate_

_Hateage is occurring_

_But except for that I'm empty_

_(I'm also kinda sad.)_"

One of the bystanders turned to Inu-yasha and Kagome. "It's so beautiful. Doesn't she have the voice of an angel?"

"Well… It's not really my style of music," Kagome began. Seeing the expressions she was getting from the crowd, she continued, "But it could certainly be considered beautiful."

A harried-sounding voice could be heard from behind them. "No, actually, I think it's not at all beautiful and a waste of air." Inu-yasha's ears perked up and he spun around, searching for the voice's owner.

"Kikyou! Is that you?"

Kikyou, rather imposing in her head-to-toe black, stepped through the crowd. Glancing from Inu-yasha to Kagome, the priestess's customary "Oh, look, it's a particularly disgusting species of cockroach" expression let them know exactly what she thought of her rescue mission. Sango appeared behind her a moment later, panting from shoving through the crowd.

"Hey, Kagome. Inu-yasha. Come on; we've got a car outside," the slayer said. Kagome laughed in relief.

"Thank goodness!" The group turned to leave.

(A/N: Hehehe, just when u thought u were safe! im so evil, guess what happens now!)

"Oh, great!" Inu-yasha muttered, spinning around to examine the rest of the club. The dancers were still eerily motionless, as Kagome-onstage had begun another song. A sinister feeling crept through the dark building, setting the hairs on the back of his neck on end.

Kagome turned to him. "What's the matter, Inu-yasha?"

"I'm not sure—ahh, what the hell?"

A pink blur, standing out against the almost solid black backdrop, was hurtling towards the group. They winced, hearing the high-pitched shriek it seemed to be emitting. Gradually the noise became words.

"Yashie-poo!"

Inu-yasha could only croak out a strangled-sounding "ulp" before the pink menace attached itself to him, squealing more quietly and making vague noises of contentment.

"Yay…mm…my Yashie-poo…yay…stay off my Yashie-poo…_my_ Yashie-poo…mm."

Inu-yasha, whose airflow was being constricted, sent a "do something" glare to the three women. Kagome and Sango seemed to be caught between concern and laughter. Kikyou, however, seemed even less amused than usual.

"Would you care to do the honors, Kikyou?" Sango laughed.

"Yeah," Kagome chimed in, covering her mouth with a black-nailed hand, "She kinda is your duplicate."

The priestess shot them both a Death Glare, which did not have the usual effect under the circumstances. "I think not. You should be more than capable of handling this." She abruptly turned and strode off into the crowd, Inu-yasha's noises growing more desperate.

"Sango, I…" Kagome doubled over, trying vainly to suppress a fit of giggles. "I think Kikyou just ditched us."

"You don't say?" replied Sango, who had begun to pry the false Kikyou from Inu-yasha. "Wow, this girl has a grip like a leech demon. Kagome, help me out."

* * *

"Oh, Sango, my rescuer! I have never been so happy to gaze upon your breathtaking visage!" From his seat on the car's hood, the monk leapt to his feet and ran towards the woman emerging from the club; her glare stopped him in his tracks.

"Save it, Miroku. I am not in the mood."

Behind her, Kagome followed, warily watching Kikyou, who was waiting by the club's door. The schoolgirl was limping and clutching a few bright red scratches on her face; traces of Petal Pink nail polish could be seen in them. Putting on something resembling a smile, she turned to the monk.

"So how have you been?"

"Not good, Kagome."

Sango, who was clutching her arm, looked to be seriously considering slapping him. Choosing instead to grab his arm and drag him to the car, she sighed wearily. "We're leaving. Where's Kagura?"

"She's—ow, Sango, please—she's in the driver's seat. Where's Inu-yasha?"

"Inside," Sango answered brusquely. The demon slayer sighed again and deposited Miroku in the backseat next to Kagome, who had already sat down and buckled her seatbelt. From the front seat, the wind sorceress opened her eyes lazily and laughed.

"Oh, so you're finally back?"

Sango slammed the rear door closed and yanked open the front door, sliding into the black leather seat. "I don't feel like talking about it. Kikyou, hurry up!"

Kagome watched, still wary and rather sore, while Kikyou calmly sat down in the back at the car's other side. The atmosphere in the backseat grew tense as Miroku, sitting in the middle, tried to get as far as possible from her without sitting on Kagome; neither she nor Sango seemed in the mood to deal with him.

Another figure emerged from the club's doorway, and Kagura sighed with relief. "The idiot's here. Can we go now?"

Inu-yasha stomped over to the car, ringing out his long hair and frowning. Yanking open the front door, he squeezed in next to Sango, choosing not to bother with the "next-to-Kikyou-or-next-to-Kagome" question.

"I got all the blood out. Let's get out of here."

Kagura, the all-too-familiar manic gleam in her eye, began to back out of the parking lot when another black-clad figure ran out of the club, caught sight of the car, and began running towards them. Inu-yasha burst into cruel laughter.

"Drive, Kagura, drive! Leave him!"

Kagome peered through the window, eyes widening. She spun angrily toward Inu-yasha.

"You just _left_ Kouga there?"

"Yeah, wouldn't you?"

Kagome narrowed her eyes, announcing very clearly that later there would be _words_, and yanked the back door open. The monk, still trying not to come into contact with Kikyou, reluctantly scooted over to make room. Kouga slid in next to Kagome. His entire appearance, from the stormy look in his blue eyes to the rips where chains had been torn off his clothing, suggested that he was livid and looking for someone to beat.

"Mutt, I am going to kill you!"

"Just try it!"

"Just watch me!"

"Both of you, shut it!" Kagome yelled, surprising herself as much as them. In the silence that followed the outburst, Kagura pulled the car onto the open road and laughed as the wind tugged at her hair.

"Look, the girl may have some moral objection to killing you both, but nothing would bring me greater pleasure. So please. Just give me an excuse."

"Just try it," Inu-yasha and Kouga simultaneously muttered, but quietly, both men shooting cautious glances at Kagome. Sango sighed, leaned against the window, and dozed off; for her part, Kikyou was enjoying being one of the only non-squished people in the car.

* * *

The car pulled into the parking lot, coming neatly to rest in the center of a parking space. There was a brief, nearly silent pause as all within fumbled unfamiliarly with their seatbelts. Then, the doors burst open and the car's contents exploded out, many of them gasping for air.

"I'm not getting back into that car, and nothing's making me," growled Inu-yasha, stretching his cramped legs. Kouga shoved past him; the two glared at each other.

Sango was stretching as well; she stopped and looked around suddenly. "Hey, look around. It's daytime again."

"Wow, it _is_ daytime," observed Kagome. "I guess time is weird here."

An eerily creepy voice, which sounded like it could have belonged to the evil little girl in a horror movie, spoke up abruptly, filling the parking lot with sound. The group paused what it was doing and began looking around curiously.

"You wish to leave," it whispered.

"No, I'm thinking of building a timeshare here," growled Inu-yasha.

The voice seemed puzzled for a moment, and then continued. "I can open the door back to your world."

"Where's the door?" asked Kagome, a hint of desperation in her voice.

"The door is nowhere… and everywhere."

Kouga raised a fist threateningly at empty air. "If you don't get us out of here—"

"If you wish to leave this world, find Sesshoumaru."

"What? Why?" asked Miroku.

"Find Sesshoumaru. Bring him to the high school. Find Sesshoumaru."


	5. HallSearching

Chapter Five: Hall-Searching (Or, The Parody That Would Not End)

"Sesshoumaru? Hey, Sesshoumaru! You around here?" Kagome rounded the corner and peered along the empty hallway. The others were still searching the first story, and the upstairs halls seemed curiously quiet and empty. The girl peered at the doors along the walls.

"Let's see… Literature, World History, Advanced Math… I guess the universe doesn't care much about these classes. And Sesshoumaru's probably not here."

A strange noise drifted toward her from one of the unused classrooms down the hall; feeling a bit silly, Kagome tiptoed over and peered inside. Then she screamed. Sesshoumaru, impeccably dressed in a dark suit, seemed to be playing tonsil hockey with a girl, who was not-so-impeccably dressed in a black tube top and miniskirt. They both whirled to face Kagome at the sound of her scream. The girl caught a glimpse of Sesshoumaru's partner's face and screamed louder.

"Oh my God! Rin! Oh, eww, that is so nasty! Oh, God, my eyes! Nasty eww!"

"It's okay!" Rin yelled, as Sesshoumaru wiped lipstick from his face with a handkerchief. "I'm eighteen! I'm legal!"

"Oh, eww…" moaned Kagome, leaning against the wall. After a few deep breaths, she opened her eyes again, tried not to imagine Rin as the little girl she knew, and turned to Sesshoumaru.

"Okay, you're a teacher, so this _will_ get you fired. However, I might be less likely to tell anyone if I got, I don't know, a pad of Hall Passes and the keys to every door in the school. What do you say?"

The obviously false Sesshoumaru grabbed the pad and keys from his desk, gracefully handed them to Kagome, and pushed her into the hallway. "You saw nothing," he announced before slamming the door in her face.

Kagome stared at the wood for a few minutes before backing away. "Okay, Kagome, calm down. They're not the real Sesshoumaru and Rin. Mental bleach, Kagome." After a few moments, the girl reopened her eyes, calmer and ready to continue her search.

"Well, he's obviously not around here," she muttered, continuing her muttered conversation with herself. Where would he be? Um… I'll try the gym. Maybe he's beating someone at sports or something." She paused briefly. "Oh, eww! I'll never manage to scrub that image from my retinas!"

* * *

"Sesshoumaru," Kikyou said blankly, peering into the open classroom. She paused and listened for a reply. When one was not forthcoming, the priestess closed the door and moved on to the next room to try again. "Sesshoumaru." 

A few doors down the hall, the dead priestess finally received a reply, though not from her intended target. The door she'd opened had been a supply closet, and the two people she'd found inside were certainly not Sesshoumaru.

"Kikyou?" a black-clad Kagome asked in surprise, trying to untangle herself from a similarly dressed Inu-yasha. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to attack our relationship until much later!"

"Oh, is that so?" Kikyou asked emotionlessly, examining the scene before her. Kagome's clothing chains had apparently become entangled in Inu-yasha's clothing chains, tying the two together. They had been sitting on the floor of the closet when Kikyou had opened it; the two were currently trying and failing to struggle to their feet.

"Yes, it's so," answered the false Kagome. "Right now we're still in the 'hating each other' stage. We've ended up in this closet through a series of hilarious misunderstandings, and of course he wound up on top of me when we innocently fell over. Romance is happening! We need this time, without your interruptions, to build our fragile relationship."

"I see," said Kikyou. She knew, of course, that the logical choice would have been to just leave the two; not only was the scene painful for her to watch, it was also rather nauseating. But some kind of morbid curiosity dragged her onward. "I find that civilized people tend to begin a relationship by talking with each other."

The couple on the closet floor burst out laughing. "Talking?" asked Inu-yasha. "What kind of romance has two people who can actually stand to talk with each other?"

"Then I'll leave you to your closet," the priestess said, closing the door with just enough force to send a shelf of boxes crashing down onto their heads. Leaning against the door for a moment and listening to the bickering from inside, her eyes took on an almost sad expression. Then she straightened up, face once again cool, and kicked the closet, listening with satisfaction to the sound of the final box meeting skull.

* * *

Cautiously, with the expression and bearing of a rabbit being hunted, Kouga poked his head out of the classroom door. The coast was blessedly clear and the wolf sighed with relief. Behind him, the teacher cleared his throat. 

"Mr. Wolf, do you mind? I am trying to teach chemistry in here."

Kouga turned around to see the entire class staring at him n boredom. "Oh," he said to the tiny, trembling man who'd spoken. "Sorry about that. I'm leaving now."

"Yes, yes. Very well. It's not like I have any real power anyway," the teacher muttered, more to himself than Kouga. He sighed, and then flinched violently when a false Kagome called out from behind him.

"Hey, Mr. Myouga!"

"Oh, no," he muttered again, face almost frenzied. In spite of himself, Kouga felt sorry for the man. "I took my eyes off Kagome. When will I learn?"

"Mr. Myouga, I think I may have mixed the chemicals you told us not to…" the girl called gleefully. Silence briefly blanketed the classroom, and then cacophonous noise blossomed outward from Kagome's table. Following his instinct, Kouga dove for the door and managed to get out at the same time Myouga and the rest of the class hid beneath whatever they could find. An explosion rocked the classroom.

Breathing heavily, Kouga could hear a voice shout from inside the room, "Oh, man! We just blatantly disregarded safety procedures and disobeyed the direct orders of an authority figure that knows far more about chemistry than we do, resulting in a violent explosion, which could have caused untold harm to others and ourselves! We're so cool!"

Shaking his head to clear it, Kouga glanced around the hallway. The ringing in his ears would probably take a while to subside, but his vision was fine, and the hallway was free of Ayame, who'd caused him to escape into the classroom in the first place. He sighed and continued his search. He'd never find Sesshoumaru at this pace.

"How dare you say that! I'll kick your ass!"

"Another fight?" Kouga muttered to himself. Already he'd had to shove through three Kikyou-Kagome fights, one Inu-yasha-Houjo, one Miroku-Sango, though it had been rather one-sided, and one random melee. "I thought Kagome said this was a place for learning."

The wolf rounded the corner, and was surprised to see his clone fighting with an Inu-yasha clone. He was even more surprised to see his clone faring terribly, unable to land even a single punch.

"This," the false Inu-yasha yelled, punching out at the Kouga-clone, "is for Kagome!" He struck again. "This is for calling me a worthless half-breed!" Another punch. "This is for stealing Kikyou!" He grabbed the unfortunate Kouga by the collar of his polo shirt and nailed him in the face with a vicious uppercut. "And this is for killing my mother!"

"But I didn't kill your mother," the false Kouga spluttered out. Inu-yasha dropkicked him.

"Shut up! Maybe now you stupid preps won't mess with us punks anymore!'

He stormed off, muttering expletives to himself, leaving the false Kouga lying unconscious on the floor in a pool of blood. From his vantage point, the real Kouga finally managed to close his gaping mouth and step forward. The wolf pulled his doppelganger up, shaking his head in disbelief, and shook the boy until he came to.

"I don't want to go to school, Mommy…" he moaned.

"Shut up," said Kouga, giving him one more good shake before setting him down. His clone, still dazed and clutching his face, took a moment to examine Kouga's black clothing.

"Oh, no… Not you, too."

"I said shut up! You're pathetic and a disgrace to my name! You're going to learn how to fight!"

* * *

"Kouga," Inu-yasha growled, heading for the black-clad wolf demon at the other end of the hallway. Whatever the wolf was up to, it couldn't be good. 

"You're supposed to be searching the other hallways, you mangy wolf!"

Kouga turned to him eyes widening in surprise. Too late Inu-yasha realized that his face was littered with piercings; this was a false Kouga. The wolf raised a thrice-pierced eyebrow.

"Are you okay, Yash?"

The half-demon snorted. "Why do you care?"

"Um… because we're friends? Yash, are you okay? You turned white!"

"Fr-frie-friends? Are you insane!"

"Yeah, friendly rivals. Why wouldn't we be friends?"

"Ka-Kagome!"

The false Kouga gave him a strange look, which didn't come close to comparing with the complete shock and terror on Inu-yasha's face. "Your girlfriend, Yash? Why would we fight about her? I'm perfectly happy with Ayame, and have no interest whatsoever in attacking your relationship with Kagome, whom I respect greatly as a person. Therefore, I can be one of the 'good' characters."

Inu-yasha stared at him blankly, lips moving silently. Finally he said, "You don't want to take Kagome?"

Kouga nodded.

"You're sure?"

Another nod.

"Why don't you come with me for a minute?" Practically dragging the Kouga down the hall and toward the designated meeting spot, Inu-yasha had to stop short to avoid running into Ayame and Kagome.

"Hey, Yash," the false Ayame said, smiling at him. Her skintight green shirt, whose artful rips Inu-yasha was trying to tear his eyes away from, read "wolf," and she wore a wolf pendant and green and black plaid mini-skirt. Her face, the half-demon soon found, was no better to look at; she wore black lipstick, green eye shadow, and various other products.

"Hey, Inu!" the false Kagome laughed, "I'm over here! Aren't you gonna say hi?" She waved a hand in front of his dazed face.

"Um, yeah, hi Kagome."

"That's better. Hey, what do you say to ditching school and hanging out at the skate park?"

Inu-yasha, reluctant to lose the false Kouga but sick of dealing with various girlfriends, began to subtly back away. "Actually, I need to stay after school for…" he thought wildly, "a prank I'm pulling. Yeah, a big prank."

(a/n: omg, I forgot 2 say wat kagoem was wearing!)

"Oh God, no," Inu-yasha muttered, eye twitching.

(a/n: so she had on a tight balck tee with…)

* * *

"And so I dumped my soda in his lap, and I punched him in the face, and I told that (censored) off! Can you believe what a (censored) he is?" 

Sango, who had been nodding along, realized that an answer was required. "Um, no, no, I can't."

The false Kagome punched the air to illustrate her point. "I know! That (censored) Inu-yasha is such a (censored) player! He thought he could say hi to me!"

"That did take some nerve," Miroku encouraged, careful to maintain his distance from the false Kagome. "Now, we were wondering if you might know where Sesshoumaru is."

"Sesshoumaru?" Kagome punched in a locker door in disgust. "He's so (censored) full of himself, thinks he's such a player and popular and all. Almost as bad as that (censored) Inu-yasha. Did I tell you—"

"Yes, but about Sesshoumaru," Sango interrupted. "Do you happen to know where he is right now?"

"Probably surrounded by his group of idiotic followers. God, I hate him. And Inu-yasha. The other day, he said I was pretty! _Pretty_! Well, of course I beat the crap out of him—"

She abruptly stopped walking; beside her, Miroku and Sango shared weary looks. Approaching them from the other end of the hallway was what looked to be an Inu-yasha. This one, unlike the others they'd seen, wore jeans, a red polo shirt, a red bandana, and an expression they'd never seen on Inu-yasha before. As the boy drew closer, Sango realized that he looked the way Miroku would probably look if women actually took him up on his offer.

"Hello, Kagome, Sango," the false Inu-yasha said, grinning at them both, and Sango began to understand the false Kagome's urges to punch him. Beside her, the Kagome was shaking.

"Damn sexy son of a (censored)," she muttered under her breath before shooting him a fairly unimpressive, at least in Sango's opinion, death glare. "What the hell do you want?"

"Nothing at all. I was just passing through here before I meet my girlfriend, Kikyou."

"What, do you think mentioning that (censored) bitch-whore (censored) (censored) skanky girlfriend of yours will make me jealous!" Kagome roared, socking him in the stomach. He wheezed out a smug laugh.

"You know, Kagome," he continued after regaining his breath, "You always act like this. You never let any guys get near you, and you wear that baggy black clothing—somehow we all know you've got a gorgeous figure, never figured out how—and your only friend is Sango. Could you possibly be a lesbian?"

"How dare you call me a (censored) lesbian!"

Their conversation was cut short when a voice, which sounded like Inu-yasha's, could be heard screaming from across the school. "No, I'm not okay! I just thought the words SEX BRACELETS!"

In the silence that followed, Sango hoisted the false Inu-yasha into the air with one hand and yelled, "Where's Sesshoumaru? Now!"

"In the gym. Have I told you that you look lovely today?"

* * *

Kikyou pulled open another door, called Sesshoumaru's name, and was once again disappointed. The priestess continued her march down the hallway, pausing at the sight of a false Inu-yasha standing alone in the hallway, apparently lost in thought. 

"Damn, she's sexy when she's angry," he mused to himself; Kikyou all but rolled her eyes. Unaware of her presence, the boy continued. "And those punk clothes look really hot on her. Wait, what am I saying? I'm a prep! I can't fall in love with a punk! Besides, I'm dating Kikyou! Actually, Kagome's a lot hotter than Kikyou…"

At that point Kikyou did roll her eyes and resumed her search. As she didn't want to become distracted form her current mission, and was already depressed enough, the dead priestess chose not to reflect upon the way she may well have been the only one she knew with any character depth.

* * *

Her hallways, Kagura was rather relieved to find out, were fairly quiet and blessedly free of people. She walked past row after row of lockers, opening doors and looking for Sesshoumaru. Although several boys did proposition her, at the end of the first hallway the wind sorceress was no closer to finding the demon lord. 

"Hey, is Sesshoumaru in here?" she asked, pulling open another door. A girl who resembled Sango looked up from where she'd been strangling a purple-faced boy who looked similar to Miroku.

"Nope, sorry. I don't think he's in this hallway."

Behind her, a girl Kagura didn't recognize returned to stomping on the boy's stomach with her steel-tipped combat boots. "Yeah," she added, brushing her red-streaked hair from her face, "My boyfriend Sesshy's a year ahead of us."

Kagura raised an eyebrow. "Sesshy?"

"Uh huh."

The boy, purple polo shirt stained with blood, reached a trembling hand toward Kagura. "Please… it hurts… just kill me…"

"Shut up!" the other girl yelled, kicking him again. Kagura smirked and shut the door.

A ruckus from down the hall drew her attention; she turned to see two girls preparing to fight. Upon realizing that they were another pair of Kikyou-Kagome clones, the sorceress rolled her eyes.

"Give back my Inu-baby!" the Kikyou-clone screamed at the Kagome.

"It's too late, preppy. He's left your cheap ass and joined the punks."

Kagura walked over to the sidelines of the fight, where one of her own clones was waiting with a short, white-haired girl who proved upon closer inspection to be Kanna. Surprisingly enough, she found herself not bothering to examine their clothing in detail.

"They do this often?" she asked her clone.

"All the time," the girl replied, sighing.

In front of them, the fight had escalated to scratching and hair-pulling.

"Do you know why they call me Kikyou? Because I'm gonna Kikyou ass, bitch!"

"Do you know why they call me Kagome? Because… shut up, that's why!"

Kagura turned to her doppelganger, who had become engaged in painting her nails. "Hey, why does Kikyou look like that?"

"You mean similar to Kagome but hideously ugly?"

"Yeah."

"To show very clearly which is the right choice for Inu-yasha to make," the clone explained, moving on to applying eye shadow.

The wind sorceress sighed and stuck out her leg, tripping the combatants. "Men are assholes."

The false Kagura glanced around before surreptitiously slipping a business card into Kagura's hand. "Yeah. Come to this address sometime tonight. It's Tsubaki's… special bar. Girls only. Tell them Kagura sent you, and don't breathe a word of this to anyone." At the sound of screaming from in front of her, the girl rushed to free Kikyou from Kagome's stranglehold and reassure her of her superiority.

The hallway finally clear, the real Kagura walked past, rolling her eyes as Kagome spat out expletives. Her doppelganger winked at her before returning to tending Kikyou's wounds.

The next hallway, Kagura soon found, was blocked by a different fight; Inu-yasha and Kouga were squaring off. The wind sorceress felt her eye beginning to twitch.

"To hell with this," she muttered, and then bellowed, "SESSHOUMARU!" at the top of her lungs. When no answer was forthcoming, she shoved her way through the surprised pair of fighters and headed back to the designated meeting place, staring curiously at the business card in her hand.

* * *

"So what if he comes at you like this?" Kouga yelled, lunging toward his terrified doppelganger, fists clenched. 

"Dodge to the side like this!" the clone squeaked.

"And then?"

"Um…" the clone mused, scratching his head. Kouga sighed and shook his head in disappointment. He'd been teaching the thing his best moves and it still— The wolf, shaken from his thoughts, managed to dodge just in time, the clone's punch flying harmlessly past his head.

"Good job! Catch him off-guard and don't let him know what you're thinking. I think we're ready to fight the mutt again and avenge my honor."

Grabbing his clone's arm and dragging him from the empty classroom they'd been using to practice, Kouga pulled the unresisting Kouga along. "Inu-yasha!" he called, voice echoing through the hallway. "Inu-yasha!"

A boy, white hair held back by a red bandana from which dog ears protruded, poked his head out of a classroom door. "What the hell do you want?"

Kouga grabbed the false Inu-yasha's arm to pull him from the classroom, and had to duck to avoid the boy's first swing. "Hey, save it for him," the wolf muttered, pushing his captive toward his clone. This was all that was needed to set the two off, and they lunged for each other, spewing expletives. Kouga sighed contentedly and leaned against a wall to watch the fight.

Although luck was definitely on Inu-yasha's side, and he got in several hits purely by chance, the tide of battle slowly turned, and the false Kouga drew closer to victory. By now a crowd had formed around the two and began chanting the word "fight."

And then, because—as with Miroku—there are some things that cannot be changed no matter where in the multiverse you travel, a high and feminine voice could be heard screeching Inu-yasha's name at the top of its lungs. Kouga whirled around to see a punk Kagome heading for the battle at high speed. At that moment, a cheer rose up from the crowd as the false Kouga finally knocked out the false and bloody Inu-yasha.

"INU-YASHA!" Kagome screamed. Both Kougas ran to her side, the clone grabbing her hands and gazing into her eyes.

"Don't worry, Kagome," he began, "I'm here now. I think that you're extraordinarily hot, despite being a punkette, and now that I've defeated that disgusting half-breed we can finally be together. You belong to me now. You are my girlfriend, my woman, my goods, my chattel…"

"I'M NO ONE'S PROPERTY!" screamed Kagome, turning several shades of angry red. Before she could do anything, however, the false Kouga was violently pulled away from her punched in the stomach, and sent flying across the hall by an irate wolf demon. That being done, he turned beseechingly to her.

"Kagome, I respect you, and when I say you're my woman I don't mean it in the sense that you're my property—"

"You asshole!" the girl screamed, eyes glowing red and cat ears sprouting from her head. "So, you hate hanyous? Guess what? I am one! And you just broke my concealment spell!"

Kouga scratched his head, utterly baffled. "Wait, what now?"

"When my true love's archrival defeats him in battle on the third Tuesday of March between the hours of nine and eleven, the spell will be broken and my true form will be revealed! And he," she pointed accusingly at the groaning Kouga lying a heap at the end of the hallway, "called me his property! So now I'm going to go into a demon rage and destroy the building in a fiery explosion!"

"Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?"

"Shut up, you (censored)(censored)!"

The crowds had mostly dissipated at this point, leaving the hallway quiet enough for the two to hear a weak cough from behind them. "Ka…Kagome?" the false Inu-yasha managed to gasp out.

The girl was at his side in an instant. "Inu-yasha! Inu-yasha! Can you hear me?"

"Kagome… You're a hanyou… like me."

"Yes. I'm sorry I kept it from you, but people are trying to exterminate me for being different from them."

"You look beautiful. I know we've only known each other three days, but I love you."

"I love you, too. I'm going to use my healing power to keep you from dying."

"But when you do that, you absorb my pain and it hurts you terribly."

"I have to. When my whole family was slaughtered, I couldn't help them. But now I can help you, Inu-yasha."

"Okay… But what about that Kouga person who was here?"

Both teenagers turned to look behind them, but the hallway was empty and silent.

Kouga finally stopped to catch his breath a few minutes later. He hadn't run, as such, he told himself. Rather, Sesshoumaru was obviously not there, so it just made sense for him to leave the area. The wolf glanced around at the doors and lockers in his current hallway; he was fairly sure he'd be able to find his way to the meeting place from there.

At that point, Kouga's senses detected three stimuli simultaneously: a flash of red hair, the scent of an iris, and a female shriek that nearly burst his eardrums.

"Kouga, so there you are! I was so worried about what happened to you! I'd heard there was a fight, and…"

"Oh, crap," the wolf muttered to himself, preparing his legs to run again.

* * *

This room, Sango decided the instant she stepped inside, was not a pleasant one. The first thing she noticed was the noise. Or, more specifically, the deafening roars produced by the masses of students. The next thing she noticed was the weapons flying through the air; an arrow nearly took her ear off. The final thing was the room's sheer size; at least five medium-sized huts could fit in it. It was open as well, offering no protection in case of attack. 

"I don't like this 'gym' at all, Miroku," muttered Sango, hand flying reflexively to where Hiraikotsu would normally be on her back.

The monk dodged a flying weapon that bore a strong resemblance to the aforementioned Hiraikotsu. "Look at that," he muttered, pointing around the gym. "They're offering training in fighting with bows, boomerangs, swords, and staves. Exactly the weapons our group carries. Interesting."

"Stupid is what it is," muttered Sango. "Those are real arrows and real swords they're using. To train obvious novices! Are they trying to get someone killed?"

A sudden hush fell over the gym, causing the already-suspicious demon slayer to spin around, evaluating the area for threats. Beside her, Miroku sighed.

"A sudden silence. I hate those. You know something is going to happen now to waste our time."

A voice rang throughout the gym. "Everyone! Kinky ho, ahem, I mean Kikyou, has just challenged me to an archery competition to decide who's best, once and for all! I expect everyone to maintain a reverent silence during the contest! Cease all subplots!"

Miroku and Sango stared at each other for a moment before rolling their eyes in unison. "I do not need this right now," whispered Sango. "Let's keep looking for Sesshoumaru."

The pair walked across the eerily silent and motionless gym, being careful not to draw too much attention to themselves. Off to their side, arrows could barely be heard whizzing through the air. A few minutes later, the gym returned to life as Kagome's screams of victory could be heard, and Sango and Miroku once again found themselves having to push through the crowds of people.

Finally they reached the other end of the room, eyes still peeled for any sign of Sesshoumaru.

"It looks like they're having sword practice here, Sango," said Miroku. "This is where he would probably be… Right there!" The monk pointed over toward a sparring pair of boys. As they watched, one smacked the other backwards with the flat of his blade and held the sword's tip at the opponent's throat.

"Surrender, Inu-yasha."

"(Censored!)"

The monk and demon slayer hurried over to where the false Sesshoumaru was waiting for a new challenger. He barely spared them a glance before turning away in disgust.

"Hey, Sesshoumaru!" Sango said. "Do you remember anything about Feudal Japan?"

"Only what they've taught us in history class," he replied with distaste. "Although this is obviously an American high school, we have spent a great deal of time covering Japan in history class. Most of our learning has been centered around the Shikon Jewel, but we've also covered demons and 'The Legend of the Hanyou and the Miko.' These being, of course, the only truly important parts of Japanese history. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm waiting for Kagome to challenge me, so she can defeat me in combat, thus forcing me to become utterly obsessed with making her my girlfriend. What is it at which you two are staring?"

"False?" Sango gasped out.

"False," confirmed Miroku, and the two turned and headed for the door with identical shocked expressions. All of the clones were disturbing, but Sesshoumaru's was simply _wrong_ in some indescribable way. As the pair neared the doorway, Kagome entered the gym, looking around wonderingly.

"Hey, Sango, Miroku. I finished up my halls. Why do all those students have edged weapons?" Two shrugs were her only reply. "Um, okay. Did you find Sesshoumaru?"

Sango and Miroku exchanged glances. "No."

* * *

"Hey, Kikyou? Kikyou!" Kagome poked her head into the library, coughing a bit from the dust in the air. Unlike the rest of the school, this room was faded and blurred in several drab shades of gray. Still wearing her black outfit, the undead priestess was a slightly darker spot on one of the ancient couches. 

"Kikyou, you have to come with me. Everyone's back together and no one found Sesshoumaru. We're leaving."

Kikyou calmly closed her book and got to her feet, walking out the door and past Kagome without a second glance in her direction. The girl pouted for a moment before running to catch up.

"So, did you search?"

"Yes."

"Have any fun?"

"Three attempts were made on my life."

"Oh…" Kagome thought for a moment, her well of conversation momentarily run dry. "What were you reading?"

"Poetry."

"What kind of—," the girl stopped as they turned the corner and shook her head. Kikyou said nothing, although her expression very clearly communicated her disdain for the entire affair. Kagome finally clapped her hands and began yelling. "Oh, for the love of… Inu-yasha, Kouga, act your ages! Miroku, apologize to her! We need to work together now!"

The assembled males, staring guiltily at the tiled floor, mumbled their apologies. Kagome nodded, placated.

"Okay. What should we do now?"

Miroku tentatively spoke up, gaze shifting back and forth from Sango to Kagome. "I think the only option available to us now is to get back into the car and search for Sesshoumaru somewhere else." He held up his hands as the rest of the group began moaning. "I don't want to, either, but what else can we do?"

"Okay. Are there any other ideas?" Kagome asked, still on edge. Inu-yasha considered protesting her taking command of the situation, but took one look at her face and thought better of it. No one responded.

The schoolgirl sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Okay, then. Let's head back to the car, why don't we? This will just be peachy."


	6. The End to End All Ends

Chapter Six: The End to End All Ends

The procession heading toward the black convertible was a dismal one, its faces gloomy with the prospect of more searching and squeezing back into the car. Kagome, the only one with the energy or inclination to be cheery, fell into step beside Kikyou and attempted to strike up a conversation.

"So, how was it you were reading the English in that book?"

Kikyou glared at her, more out of habit than malice. "A convenient plot device."

"Oh? How do you make those work?"

"I simply do."

In front of them, Miroku stopped and closed his eyes. "Is it something like this?" A rock appeared suddenly in front of Sango; the demon slayer tripped and fell backward into the monk's arms.

"Oh, I see how it works," Sango said. A rain cloud materialized above Miroku's head, soaking him before shocking him with a miniature bolt of lightening.

Even further in front of them, Kouga was concentrating. Kagome stumbled over the pebble that had just appeared in her path, but regained her balance. Inu-yasha laughed mockingly.

"No, you stupid wolf, this is how it's done." With that he concentrated, and Kagome tripped again, this time falling backward with a scream… and landing in Kouga's arms.

"Thanks, Inu-yasha!"

"I'll kill you!"

"Put me down and quit fighting!"

Miroku and Sango, who had drawn closer to Kikyou, just sighed in unison. Kagura, who had caught up to them, watched the fight with unconcealed impatience.

"How do you people put up with this?"

"We just sort of do," Sango said, shifting her weight impatiently.

Beside them, the dead priestess spoke up. "It will soon happen. I can sense it."

"What?" Kagura asked, smiling as punches began flying in front of her.

"Three… two… one…" Kikyou counted.

On cue, the convertible's door swung open, spilling two people onto the pavement. They were entangled uncomfortably, a condition probably not alleviated by one's apparent attempts to kill the other.

"I did it!" squealed Kagome, jumping up and down. "I made the convenient plot device work! Woo-hoo!"

Kouga and Inu-yasha rushed over and pried the couple apart. The girl collapsed, weeping, into Kouga; the boy pulled himself out of Inu-yasha's grasp and rose to his feet, stalking toward his partner.

The girl whimpered and clung to the wolf. Enough strands of her black and almost ankle-length hair fell into her face to appear artfully disheveled without concealing her icy blue eyes or pale and perfect features.

"Oh, it was horrible! My name is Rayvvynn (a/n: isnt it gr8, thats the name i want, so cool). I just moved here, and I thought I'd found my soul mate, who understood my pain, but he just attacked me when I tried to kiss him! This kind of thing has been happening all my life! I'll never be happy! It all started when I was little and they beat me at the orphanage…"

Before the livid boy could reach her, Inu-yasha grabbed his arm and yanked him so they were facing each other. The half-demon took a step back in shock, but maintained his grip on the boy's arm.

"Sesshoumaru? The hell! You're human!"

Sesshoumaru regarded him with a cold and regal glare that had lost nothing in his change of species. Pushing back his long, dark hair, the lord spoke.

"It would seem that you are a human as well, Inu-yasha. I suggest that you do not instigate a fight."

"And my (censored) ex-boyfriend beat me too, and then I was expelled for standing up for myself against him…" Rayvvynn complained from Kouga's arms.

"So," Kagura all but laughed, shoving past Inu-yasha to examine his brother, "You're the real Sesshoumaru. That's a good look for you, by the way."

Sesshoumaru's glare could have frozen the Sahara. He said nothing as Kagome pushed past Inu-yasha and began explaining the merits of joining the group to him, merely began the trek back to the school with an expression that clearly said, "Fall to your knees and worship me, for I have deigned to grace you with my presence."

"And then they wouldn't let me have a puppy!" Rayvvynn wailed. She sniffled and gazed up soulfully into Kouga's eyes, a single crystalline tear running down her face. "But you rescued me from that abusive monster… And you're wearing black… And you're hot enough to be my love interest…" She batted her eyes, which Kouga noticed had shifted from ice to crystal blue.

"Wait, what's the difference?" the wolf muttered.

Rayvvynn frowned. "Ice is paler. Now love me!"

Kouga craned his head to yell after the group, which was already heading back. He gently but insistently shoved at the girl clinging to him as well, though she refused to loosen her grip.

"Hey! Wait up! Kagome, don't leave me!"

"Love meeee!"

* * *

"So you've decided to join us," Inu-yasha said, tone mocking, when Kouga stumbled back into the main hallway. The wolf adjusted his torn shirt and scowled at him.

"You're lucky that I'm human right now."

"Keep telling yourself that, fleabag." The half demon turned to Kagome, growling in impatience and boredom. "Kouga's here. Can we go now?"

The schoolgirl sighed and nodded. "Yes, now we can go. It won't kill you to be patient once in a while." She walked over to Kouga, smiling a bit sheepishly. Behind them, Inu-yasha began cursing and was ignored.

"Sorry we left you. By the time I noticed, we were here," Kagome admitted sheepishly, then brightened up. "But I made them wait for you."

Kouga grasped her hands and gazed soulfully into her eyes. "Thank you, Kagome. I promise I won't forget how you waited for me."

"It, it was really nothing," Kagome laughed, surreptitiously trying to pull her hands away. "How'd you get rid of the girl, anyway?"

"Oh, I passed her off to one of my clones. She just scampered right off 'cause he had bigger chains on his pants."

"Wonder what that could symbolize," Sango muttered before loudly proclaiming, "Okay, Voice, we brought Sesshoumaru. Please open the portal and get us out of here."

"Very well," the mysterious voice rasped. With an ominous slurping noise, the fabric of the universe tore open again, revealing a black vortex in the center of the hallway. One by one the group members were sucked in until only Kikyou and Sesshoumaru remained in the hallway.

They exchanged an "I'm really far too cool for this, and neither one of us saw one another" look before setting their faces from "blank" to "firm resolve" and stepping unceremoniously into the black rip. It disappeared as though it had never been. For a moment, all was peaceful in the hallway.

A false, ugly Kikyou, body spray-painted pink, ran to the spot where the group had been standing and fell to her knees, weeping.

"INU-YASHIEEEEE!"

* * *

Dust ballooned outward as a red blur landed on the floor of the cave with a thump. It shook itself off, white hair whipping back and forth, before glancing up with an expression of desperation and diving to catch a falling green-and-white blur.

"You okay, Kagome?"

"Yeah, I guess so. My hair's a little messed up—ahh!"

Inu-yasha, who had until then been standing still, suddenly grabbed hold of Kagome with one arm and dove to catch Kikyou with the other. The undead priestess looked up at him blankly.

"Inu-yasha, do you mind?"

"Oh," he replied, "yeah, sorry." He set her down gently; there was a moment of silence before Kikyou removed an arrow from the quiver on her back and drew back her bow, aiming at Inu-yasha's head.

"Hey, wait, Kikyou, what are you doing!"

Kagome, squirming in Inu-yasha's grip, screamed, "Kikyou, what's wrong with you!"

The priestess said nothing, only let the arrow fly. It whizzed past Inu-yasha's head, severing a lock of hair, and crashed through the barrier at the cave's entrance. Shards of the shattered magic rained across the floor. The pale, white-haired figure that had been examining the entrance nodded to her and stepped out.

"Oh," said Inu-yasha and Kagome simultaneously.

With a last cold glance in their direction, Kikyou stepped past them and headed for the entrance. Inu-yasha, with a fleeting guilty look at Kagome, bounded after her. "Wait, Kikyou!"

"Don't you have companions to which to return?"

"Yeah, but…" The half-demon slowed to a halt, kicked-puppy expression in his eyes, and the priestess simply walked past him.

"Whoa, tough luck there, mutt," laughed Kouga, who'd walked up behind him and was brushing dust from the fur of his skirt. The half-demon launched himself at Kouga and before long the fur—and dust—were flying.

Kagome sighed, shaking her head sadly, as she watched the fight. The void ripped open again, and Sango landed, catlike, beside her. A moment later the demon slayer caught the falling Miroku in her arms.

"It never changes, does it, Sango?" the schoolgirl asked.

"No," Sango agreed, dropping the monk in a heap amidst his protests of a cursed hand. "Nothing really changes."

"Ah, well," Kagome sighed. "Inu-yasha, sit! Kouga, behave yourself! Honestly, I cannot believe the both of you sometimes!"

* * *

Another room, dark and barren, housed two children. One of them had pushed a flat rock to the room's center and sat smaller rocks around it for chairs. Various fractured pieces of human bone, wrapped in colorful scraps of cloth, "sat" at the chairs; young girls also occupied two. The livelier of the pair smiled at the other, a ghastly vision in white.

"You're so lucky, Kanna!"

"How so?"

"Oh, you've got all kinds of things to make dolls out of, and I don't get any dolls. Master Jaken says they're super… super… super-flooy or something, which I thought was good but I guess it's not. Lord Sesshoumaru lets me pick flowers, though, and sometimes I get to decorate Jaken! Oh, aren't tea parties fun?"

Kanna stared blankly at her.

"Would you like more tea, Kanna?"

"I don't know."

Rin beamed. "Okay, then!" Her childish hands grabbed for the skull in the center of the rock and poured imaginary beverage into the skull sitting in front of the other girl. Behind her, a door smoothly slid open; another white figure, taller and prettier, strode into the room. Kanna stared toward him with an expression that was almost relief.

"I see my message was received."

The demon lord ignored her, turning instead to the other child. "Come, Rin."

"Yay, Lord Sesshoumaru! Can I have a play date with Kanna again?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes scanned the room, from the gloom and darkness to Kanna's eerie presence to the skeletal tea set. "No."

"Oh, well. Bye, Kanna!"

* * *

"Hey, Inu-yasha?" Kagome asked as the half demon pulled her up and through the cave entrance, "Do you remember seeing Kagura before we left? I don't think I saw her. Or in the cave, either."

Inu-yasha pondered the question deeply before responding with his usual wisdom. "Feh, who really cares?"

* * *

Glancing at the address on the business card, Kagura pulled into the parking lot in front of a dull gray brick building. The sorceress pocketed the card and stepped out from her by now nearly dead convertible.

The building's inside, when she entered, was considerably more lively than its outside. It was fairly dark, and a woman was singing somewhere in the background. The bar, though not particularly busy, was populated entirely by women; Kagura spotted a clone of hers dancing with Ayame. The wind sorceress smiled and took a seat at the bar.

Tsubaki looked up from polishing a glass. "Hey, stranger. What'll it be?"

"Not sure. Is this what all the minor characters do in this place?"

"The minor females at least. The authoress never really pays attention to us except when we're backing up Kagome or Kikyou. Even serious breaches of the Fourth Wall, like just now, go pretty much unnoticed."

"I see." Kagura glanced around again, smile broadening. "In that case, I will have a drink. What do you recommend?"

"For you? (Censored)(censored)(_censored_) on the Beach."

"As long as that's a drink."

Tsubaki smirked again, and after a moment, passed the glass to the wind sorceress, who sipped it. "Hey, alcohol's not bad."

The bartender laughed slightly. "Never tried it?"

"Yeah, Naraku's usually drunk on his own power, so we never get any—hey, is that supposed to happen when you drink?" Both women stared at the black space-time rip that had opened in the air next to Kagura.

"Sometimes, I suppose," Tsubaki began slowly, "but I'm sober and I see it, too."

Kagura sighed and downed the rest of her drink. "Ah, hell."

* * *

Darkness and silence reigned over the castle, blanketing the skeletal remains on the floors and mingling with the faint tinge of miasma that hung in the air. Finally, for the first time in what seemed an eternity, one of the castle doors slid slowly open and a solitary figure stepped inside.

The woman's red and white attire contrasted sharply with the castle's dullness, and the eye could not help but be drawn to her as she made her dignified way through the corridors. At last she came to a door that seemed no different than the others in the hallway. The priestess paused outside it, and then turned to see another woman reclining against the wall next to her.

"He's in there," Kagura said almost dejectedly, nodding toward the door. "He said to let you in." The sorceress's façade broke down for a moment and she suddenly clutched as her heart. After a minute she straightened again and her breathing slowed don; she turned to look at the priestess, almost daring the woman to say anything.

"A kudzu tonic used daily will help with that," Kikyou said quietly, and then pushed open the door and stepped into the room.

It was as sparsely furnished as the rest of the castle, and except for the dark blob in one of the corners, could have been empty. The priestess wasted no time in aiming an arrow at the figure; it chuckled evilly.

"Why are you here, Kikyou? You escaped that universe, did you not?"

"Send them back, Naraku."

"Why, Kikyou. I'm afraid I don't know of what you're speaking."

"You know perfectly well, Naraku. Send them back."

Further conversation was cut off by the loud slamming open of the sliding door. A herd of false Kikyous, in various states of undress, poured in and situated themselves around Naraku, cooing and making insipid conversation amongst themselves.

The true Kikyou, face terrible to behold, shot them all her very best Death Glare.

"Send. Them. Back."


End file.
